I believe in order to make any bold decisions or changes in your life you have to feel fully inspired, creative and motivated. And the only way to be fully inspired, creative and motivated is to step away from what is familiar and comfortable. You must step out onto a ledge and live “on the edge”. That ledge feels like a tremendous place of vulnerability, risk, the threat of failure ever looming. It’s a ledge, so naturally you could fall if you get too close to the edge. It’s a scary place.
Unfortunately I think that’s why so many people steer clear of it. They decide that they’d rather stay safely nestled in their sphere of comfort and familiarity. Even if what’s familiar and “comfortable” isn’t always the best place for them to stay. Since I’ve been one who has switched jobs….well, a bit frequently I’ve never understood why someone would stay in a job (or a home, or a relationship) that is damaging or unfulfilling to them. To me the scariness of the ledge is much less scary then the prospect of being miserable or just bearing with a problem indefinitely. Now that’s scary.
I also know that even though the ledge is scary it can also be a place of tremendous inspiration, growth and motivation. When you allow yourself to creep to the edge and feel the fear of the unknown and the fear of possible rejection, new possibilities reveal themselves around every corner and you find you have the energy, focus and determination to follow whatever possibility you choose as your path. The fear doesn’t ever really go away but your power to push through it increases and your energy, focus and determination grow exponentially. That is when we are able to make bold choices and changes in our lives.
I feel very lucky that I have forced myself (or been forced through situations) to step out on the ledge, face that fear and find a new path and a new direction that I never considered or thought possible before. I feel lucky that I have experienced that more than once before and I know that if I trust the process and I trust myself I will always end up in a better place after spending time on the ledge. That is exactly what made my difficult decision to leave my job this past summer a teensy bit easier – I know that failure (or something “lesser”) doesn’t have to be the only option out of difficult situations. In fact the ledge has proven time and time again that if you persevere it will take you exactly where you need to be and all of a sudden you’re in a better place – a place you were meant to be.
Sounds fantastic doesn’t it? Why wouldn’t more people do it if the rewards are just so great and let the fear be damned? Well don’t get me wrong – that ledge can be a REALLY scary place to be sometimes. Sometimes you find yourself slipping down the edge – feeling sorry for yourself, doubting yourself, feeling like a failure, feeling hopeless, feeling helpless, feeling alone, feeling like a loser – and the list could go on and on. Sometimes you feel like you can’t breathe and the fear seizes you so fully that you can’t move – not even an inch. You just want to crawl into a ball, cry and give up. It can easily become a slippery slope that tries to drag you to the bottom – leaving you a bruised, battered, shattered mess in a heap of despair.
Have I ever fallen fully to the bottom? Thankfully no I don’t believe I have. I have always had tremendous support and safety nets to help me through the toughest parts. I also know a secret about that ledge. Are you ready for it? All that power and control that the fear can have, all the havoc and destruction it can wreak on your confidence, heart and soul? That’s all power and control that you allow the fear to have. If you decide that it just can’t have it then it’ll never be able to fully pull you down to the bottom.
Deciding to not give fear the permission to consume you does take a lot of work. You need to constantly monitor and nurture your confidence and self esteem. You need to force yourself to keep moving and take at least baby steps to get you to a place where the fear is a bit less oppressive and overwhelming. You need to surround yourself with people who support you and people who will help you keep your perspective and feelings in check when they start to give in to the fear. You need to focus on how you can turn that fear into positive energy and momentum. You need to remind yourself that this is not your destination just a part of the journey that will ultimately strengthen you, allow you to grow and teach you much. None of it easy stuff, but when worked on relentlessly they can be very effective in keeping the fear at bay and stealing it’s power so that you can use it’s strength to your benefit.
Once the fear is in check (and you’re not constantly focused on falling off the edge) you then find yourself back in “the zone” of energy, focus, motivation and inspiration. You’re in the zone that moves mountains and takes your life in powerful directions. Be wary though – big bouts with fear often times lead people to step so far back from the edge of the ledge that they’re out of the zone completely and back into realm of safe, familiar and inactive.
Yikes, ok so that’s why so few people take the risk of standing out on that ledge. Getting into the zone and staying in the zone is quite a balancing act. A balancing act where one misstep could leave you plummeting to the bottom (maybe not really but it sure as hell feels that way at times).
Being in a job search when you are unemployed requires some extra special attention to the art of balancing while on the edge. Ok let me stop talking in such niceties – it’s a truly shitty place to be. When you’re job searching while unemployed you are forced to be out on that ledge pretty much 24-7. That leaves the fear a lot of time to wear you down and limitless time to work on dismantling your defenses. Hence you have to spend a lot more time and energy combating it which makes it harder and harder to get into that zone of energy and possibility. And believe it or not you have to also spend time fighting yourself from backing away from the edge all together. Not that being unemployed is a comfortable place but it is safer than keeping yourself out there with fear pummeling you from all sides.
Wow, I’m exhausted just reading that paragraph I just wrote! But I do think that it accurately sums up the internal battles that anyone who is job searching while unemployed faces. I have to put myself out there in order to find a job. (stepping onto the ledge). But what if I can’t find anything? What if no one calls? What if I don’t have the skills? What if I’m not good enough? (fears, fears, and more fears) If you can keep your defenses strong and your eye on getting yourself in the zone than eventually you’ll find yourself saying: Yes, it will happen! Yes, there are possibilities! Yes, I can make it happen! Yes, I can take the steps necessary (no matter how scary) to get myself there! (Being in the zone)
As the new year approaches my wish for each of you is two fold. First and foremost my wish is that you will find the courage to occasionally step out onto that ledge and experience the strengthening power and growth that comes from looking fear in the face and not backing down. Take the chance to experience the high of operating in the zone and the exhilaration of discovering new paths and possibilities that, before braving the ledge, never felt possible. Secondly, I wish that you will be able to be a relentless supporter and encourager to any friend or family member in your life who may be actively standing on the ledge battling away with their fears and doubts. I believe having strong cheerleaders, encouragers and perspective balancers that will stick with you throughout your entire time on the ledge (no matter how long it takes) is the key to keeping your courage on the edge and the energy to keep fighting to find the zone.
Thank you to all the cheerleaders, encouragers, perspective balancers and supporters in my life. I’m humbled by your generosity and kindness. You’re helping me through more than you’ll ever know.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Small World, Big World
When I have been settled in one place for any significant amount of time I always find myself, at some point, struck at how “small” my world is. My comings and goings limited to work, home, gym and the occasional weekend away to visit friends and family. My geographic roaming miniscule at best. At the same time I also notice how “big” everything in my life feels. The tiniest things in my life feel monumentally huge and scary. Work issues feel devastating, minor frustrations at home grind me down and deviances or changes from normal routine feel scary and overwhelming. My life perspective shifts off kilter and things are easily blown way out of proper proportion – causing me to stress and devote energy to things/issues that don’t deserve it.
It’s usually around that time that I begin dreaming or planning my next trip or job adventure abroad. When I travel, in particular when I travel abroad, my world grows expansive and I delight in physically expanding my global foot print. Exploring and learning about cultures and places that are completely different from my own is thrilling to me. Seeing the sites, breathing the air, hearing the noises, talking with people, being catapulted out of the familiar - My world grows “big”. At the same time my perspective on life and what’s important shifts back to a position that is much more comfortable and realistic. All those “big” things in my life are exposed as nothing more than trivial worries and wasted energy. They become “small”. The freedom of this shift allows me to relax and not sweat the small or big stuff when I travel. I become a different person – I take things as they come, I don’t worry as much and instead I spend my energy on totally engaging in the process and experience. I usually come home with a lightness that keeps me going and keeps my perspective in check for quite awhile.
Why am I writing about this now? Well, because for a variety of reasons my world is very, very “small” right now and I’m trying very hard to keep my perspective in check and not let the worries run amok. Since I’m not in a position to travel at the moment nor do I see the possibility of travel anywhere in the near future I have to find other outlets and avenues for expanding my world. So far the best outlet I’ve found is talking with other people who have lived in “expansive worlds” whether through travel or other exceptional life experiences. They can help talk me down from the irrational places I tend to creep and encourage me to not get caught up in the group think with other people who live in very small worlds.
I think learning strategies for expanding my world and managing my perspective are just another thing I’m meant to learn during this transition time. Here’s to the learning!
It’s usually around that time that I begin dreaming or planning my next trip or job adventure abroad. When I travel, in particular when I travel abroad, my world grows expansive and I delight in physically expanding my global foot print. Exploring and learning about cultures and places that are completely different from my own is thrilling to me. Seeing the sites, breathing the air, hearing the noises, talking with people, being catapulted out of the familiar - My world grows “big”. At the same time my perspective on life and what’s important shifts back to a position that is much more comfortable and realistic. All those “big” things in my life are exposed as nothing more than trivial worries and wasted energy. They become “small”. The freedom of this shift allows me to relax and not sweat the small or big stuff when I travel. I become a different person – I take things as they come, I don’t worry as much and instead I spend my energy on totally engaging in the process and experience. I usually come home with a lightness that keeps me going and keeps my perspective in check for quite awhile.
Why am I writing about this now? Well, because for a variety of reasons my world is very, very “small” right now and I’m trying very hard to keep my perspective in check and not let the worries run amok. Since I’m not in a position to travel at the moment nor do I see the possibility of travel anywhere in the near future I have to find other outlets and avenues for expanding my world. So far the best outlet I’ve found is talking with other people who have lived in “expansive worlds” whether through travel or other exceptional life experiences. They can help talk me down from the irrational places I tend to creep and encourage me to not get caught up in the group think with other people who live in very small worlds.
I think learning strategies for expanding my world and managing my perspective are just another thing I’m meant to learn during this transition time. Here’s to the learning!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Clinging to the Tire for Dear Life
I’ve been working at a ropes course facility for the past couple of months to make a bit of money while I am indulging in this quest for vocation and purpose. It’s been a number of years since I have worked on a ropes course and I’ve been surprised and delighted in the lessons it has been teaching me.
For those of you unfamiliar – a ropes course is a place where groups come for teambuilding and problem solving games, activities and initiatives. Low ropes are done at ground level using equipment like balls, logs, foam noodles, wooden planks, ropes, platforms and other props. We use silly games, energizers, and problem solving initiatives to help teams learn how to communicate more effectively and how to work together more effectively. High ropes are 40-50 feet off the ground and use harnesses and a belay system to use the elements. A climbing wall and a zip wire are examples of high ropes elements.
The high elements can be super fun and sometimes competitive. But what high ropes are best known for are the very profound moments and breakthroughs that can take place. I see battles taking place every day on the course – mental and emotional battles with fears, struggles to find courage and confidence to take just one more step higher. It’s great as a facilitator to see someone who has waged a tremendous battle – tears, seemingly dashed confidence and paralysis at some points -- completely breakthrough and overcome their fears to succeed. I’m amazed all the time at the people who are so scared to the point of almost feeling paralyzed not back down and successfully complete not just one but all of the high elements. It’s amazing to witness.
Some sit pensively on the ground waging battle silently. They suddenly rise get harnessed in and with super sharp focus and dogged determination they will breathe through the fear and make it straight to the top. Others start out just fine but about half way up they freeze – not able to move up or down. Some of these folks are quiet in their struggle -- a single tear or shaky legs are the only things that might give them away. Others are a bit more vocal – yelling out of fear or frustration, getting angry and screaming at themselves, crying. It’s interesting to see all the different methods for dealing with fear.
Some of those folks are able to work through it themselves and push on through the fear straight to the top. Sadly a small number do give up on themselves and surrender to the fear. Most, however, find their way through the fear with the help and encouragement of the facilitators and their team mates. As facilitators we remind them that they are safe, we are supporting them, we are confident they can do it, and we make suggestions about best ways to make it up the element, etc. The clapping, encouragement and reassurances from friends/teammates are also a huge part of breaking through the fear. Sometimes this process can take just a few minutes, sometimes someone will sit in the same place for 20 minutes or more before they make a move. It’s quite a privilege to witness and be a small part of this fear busting.
Last week we had a group of college students out on the course and while they were there I had my own breakthrough of sorts. We have an element on our course called the vertical playpen. Participants must climb up a swinging vertical pole with staples in it, climb over a horizontal beam onto and then over a gigantic tractor tire, then up onto a cargo net for their final ascent to touch the cable at the top that symbolizes success. Then they can just lean back and relax while we belay them safely down to the ground.
There was one student who made it up to the beam and then I saw her shut down. She wasn’t totally paralyzed but she sat clinging to the tire consumed by fear. She said she wanted to come down and she was done. I talked her into giving it a minute to see if she wanted to continue telling her I had every confidence that she could succeed. I could practically see the mental battle that was raging inside her head. The entire time her friends and I were encouraging her on, helping her regain her composure and perspective. After just a couple of moments she took a deep breathe and determinedly made it the rest of the way up without a single problem.
It was in that moment that it hit me. I clearly and strongly saw the parallel between that woman’s climb to the top and my own struggle in the job search and career quest. I saw myself in that woman clinging to the tire as if her life depended on it. I realized that in recent weeks I had been “clinging to the tire” not moving, contemplating giving up on finding a job with a great fit, letting the fear of finding a job at all consume me and keep me from moving forward. The same things that got the woman on the playpen moving got me moving too. I had to battle a lot of negative self talk and doubt, I needed to check in with friends who encouraged me and helped me regain a more positive perspective.
Making that connection between the mental struggles people have on the ropes course with my current situation in this place of transition and changed reminded me that this is all part of the process. It comforted me to recognize that it is moments like clinging to the tire that allow us to build up our strength, refocus, push past perceived obstacles and experience a much sweeter success when we do complete our task.
I don’t feel like I’m completely out of my paralysis yet but I am working through it and moving again. Hopefully the next time the fear, the doubts and the paralysis strike I will be better prepared and have the necessary supports in place to help me push through it more quickly. And in the mean time, I will continue to be inspired by and encouraged by all the brave individuals I assist on the ropes course every week.
For those of you unfamiliar – a ropes course is a place where groups come for teambuilding and problem solving games, activities and initiatives. Low ropes are done at ground level using equipment like balls, logs, foam noodles, wooden planks, ropes, platforms and other props. We use silly games, energizers, and problem solving initiatives to help teams learn how to communicate more effectively and how to work together more effectively. High ropes are 40-50 feet off the ground and use harnesses and a belay system to use the elements. A climbing wall and a zip wire are examples of high ropes elements.
The high elements can be super fun and sometimes competitive. But what high ropes are best known for are the very profound moments and breakthroughs that can take place. I see battles taking place every day on the course – mental and emotional battles with fears, struggles to find courage and confidence to take just one more step higher. It’s great as a facilitator to see someone who has waged a tremendous battle – tears, seemingly dashed confidence and paralysis at some points -- completely breakthrough and overcome their fears to succeed. I’m amazed all the time at the people who are so scared to the point of almost feeling paralyzed not back down and successfully complete not just one but all of the high elements. It’s amazing to witness.
Some sit pensively on the ground waging battle silently. They suddenly rise get harnessed in and with super sharp focus and dogged determination they will breathe through the fear and make it straight to the top. Others start out just fine but about half way up they freeze – not able to move up or down. Some of these folks are quiet in their struggle -- a single tear or shaky legs are the only things that might give them away. Others are a bit more vocal – yelling out of fear or frustration, getting angry and screaming at themselves, crying. It’s interesting to see all the different methods for dealing with fear.
Some of those folks are able to work through it themselves and push on through the fear straight to the top. Sadly a small number do give up on themselves and surrender to the fear. Most, however, find their way through the fear with the help and encouragement of the facilitators and their team mates. As facilitators we remind them that they are safe, we are supporting them, we are confident they can do it, and we make suggestions about best ways to make it up the element, etc. The clapping, encouragement and reassurances from friends/teammates are also a huge part of breaking through the fear. Sometimes this process can take just a few minutes, sometimes someone will sit in the same place for 20 minutes or more before they make a move. It’s quite a privilege to witness and be a small part of this fear busting.
Last week we had a group of college students out on the course and while they were there I had my own breakthrough of sorts. We have an element on our course called the vertical playpen. Participants must climb up a swinging vertical pole with staples in it, climb over a horizontal beam onto and then over a gigantic tractor tire, then up onto a cargo net for their final ascent to touch the cable at the top that symbolizes success. Then they can just lean back and relax while we belay them safely down to the ground.
There was one student who made it up to the beam and then I saw her shut down. She wasn’t totally paralyzed but she sat clinging to the tire consumed by fear. She said she wanted to come down and she was done. I talked her into giving it a minute to see if she wanted to continue telling her I had every confidence that she could succeed. I could practically see the mental battle that was raging inside her head. The entire time her friends and I were encouraging her on, helping her regain her composure and perspective. After just a couple of moments she took a deep breathe and determinedly made it the rest of the way up without a single problem.
It was in that moment that it hit me. I clearly and strongly saw the parallel between that woman’s climb to the top and my own struggle in the job search and career quest. I saw myself in that woman clinging to the tire as if her life depended on it. I realized that in recent weeks I had been “clinging to the tire” not moving, contemplating giving up on finding a job with a great fit, letting the fear of finding a job at all consume me and keep me from moving forward. The same things that got the woman on the playpen moving got me moving too. I had to battle a lot of negative self talk and doubt, I needed to check in with friends who encouraged me and helped me regain a more positive perspective.
Making that connection between the mental struggles people have on the ropes course with my current situation in this place of transition and changed reminded me that this is all part of the process. It comforted me to recognize that it is moments like clinging to the tire that allow us to build up our strength, refocus, push past perceived obstacles and experience a much sweeter success when we do complete our task.
I don’t feel like I’m completely out of my paralysis yet but I am working through it and moving again. Hopefully the next time the fear, the doubts and the paralysis strike I will be better prepared and have the necessary supports in place to help me push through it more quickly. And in the mean time, I will continue to be inspired by and encouraged by all the brave individuals I assist on the ropes course every week.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Mood Roller Coaster
I am not a roller coaster person. I’ve never found them fun. The ups and downs, the anticipation, the adrenaline rush – none of it is enjoyable to me. Roller coasters are never things that I seek out or ride willingly.
That being said, I have to laugh at myself for willingly jumping on this rollercoaster called job searching and transition yet again. I’ve always considered myself a pretty even-keeled person. I don’t tend to have emotional outbursts, people describe me as pretty laid back and I’m not usually moody (unless I haven’t eaten but that’s another story). I go through life being generally happy and even keeled. Well let me tell you -- that keel of mine seems to get a bit off kilter when I’m in that uncertain, vulnerable place called job searching.
Whenever I’m in an unsettled place or feel that life is a bit out of my control I find my emotions swinging crazily from day to day, sometimes even hour to hour. The smallest thing will elate me or depress me. I’ll obsess about insignificant things, I stop sleeping and my motivation to do anything productive zaps down to zero in the blink of an eye. I find myself in a sad and desperate place wondering how I got there so fast.
I hadn’t fully acknowledged this violent swinging until recently – or how much it impacts the amount of progress I do or do not make in this process. It’s made me realize that a big part of my success during this transition really relates to how well I manage and control these irrational swings of mood. Not something I normally need to spend much thought on in my life but very necessary during this time of uncertainty. I’ve found that putting my energy into faithfully monitoring when I might be headed down that dark path called doubt and voraciously focusing on keeping or regaining perspective is a vital part of making this transition and this job search successful. Keeping my perspective in check is crucial.
I know the action steps I need to take in order to select my vocation and search for a job, but what has been less familiar to me is learning how to manage the emotional ups and downs that that can so greatly influence the outcome of this tremendous journey. Each day I am learning and getting better. Slowly, oh so slowly I am taking steps that will lead me through this transition. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I’m feeling more and more confident in my ability to manage the emotional aspects of this journey. That is my success for now.
That being said, I have to laugh at myself for willingly jumping on this rollercoaster called job searching and transition yet again. I’ve always considered myself a pretty even-keeled person. I don’t tend to have emotional outbursts, people describe me as pretty laid back and I’m not usually moody (unless I haven’t eaten but that’s another story). I go through life being generally happy and even keeled. Well let me tell you -- that keel of mine seems to get a bit off kilter when I’m in that uncertain, vulnerable place called job searching.
Whenever I’m in an unsettled place or feel that life is a bit out of my control I find my emotions swinging crazily from day to day, sometimes even hour to hour. The smallest thing will elate me or depress me. I’ll obsess about insignificant things, I stop sleeping and my motivation to do anything productive zaps down to zero in the blink of an eye. I find myself in a sad and desperate place wondering how I got there so fast.
I hadn’t fully acknowledged this violent swinging until recently – or how much it impacts the amount of progress I do or do not make in this process. It’s made me realize that a big part of my success during this transition really relates to how well I manage and control these irrational swings of mood. Not something I normally need to spend much thought on in my life but very necessary during this time of uncertainty. I’ve found that putting my energy into faithfully monitoring when I might be headed down that dark path called doubt and voraciously focusing on keeping or regaining perspective is a vital part of making this transition and this job search successful. Keeping my perspective in check is crucial.
I know the action steps I need to take in order to select my vocation and search for a job, but what has been less familiar to me is learning how to manage the emotional ups and downs that that can so greatly influence the outcome of this tremendous journey. Each day I am learning and getting better. Slowly, oh so slowly I am taking steps that will lead me through this transition. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I’m feeling more and more confident in my ability to manage the emotional aspects of this journey. That is my success for now.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Choosing More Than Just a Job
So as my monstrously long last post explained, I have lots and lots of work I am doing in order to make wise, informed decisions in this next job search and in life. This transition period seems very important because of this work and the time it allows me to digest and sift through it all. There is, however, another big factor weighing in during this career quest that is keeping me cautious and keyed into how I’m going about making decisions: LOCATION.
I’ve always been open to moving to new locations for work – I’ve done small town USA, suburbia, big city, bigger city and sailing vessels. I’ve lived very close to or in most of the major cities in the Northeast – DC, Baltimore, Philadelphia and NYC. All have been great adventures and I’ve enjoyed every place I’ve ever lived. However, after many moves and travels around the world I realize that I’m not 23 anymore and I don’t really want my life to be in a temporary or flux state indefinitely. While I’ve enjoyed every place I’ve ever lived, similar to the jobs I’ve held, there has always been some big chunk that has led me to say, “Well, this place is good – for now.”
While I was in NYC it hit me that I was approaching my 35th birthday and I’m still saying, “This is fine….for now” every time I move. How will I ever be happy anywhere longer term if my attitude is that this is just ok for now? When will I stop saying this is only good for now but never more than a couple years? When am I going start pursuing some of the things I want to do and have in my life outside of my career? I realize that the answer to these questions is simple – I just have to choose to do them and make them a priority in my life – equal priority to finding the right job. That’s the tough part – career decisions are easy to make a priority – so much of our identity, financial well being, pride, and time are linked with the jobs we hold. The other parts of life are easier to minimize, delay, sacrifice, put off, or de-prioritize. Well no more! All of those things – both big and little, external and visible as well as internal and personal are going to be major parts of the equation this time around.
If I want to have an outdoor space – I need to not settle for a place that doesn’t have that. If I want a pet – I have to only look at places that allow pets and I need to make sure I have a job that doesn’t have me working 50+ hours a week. Priorities. In the past I have sacrificed many of the things I want in my life because, “this will just be a steppingstone”, “this apartment is too good to pass up”, “this is the practical thing to do at this time”. I could go on and on with the rationales I come up with to sacrifice or delay the small things in life that I want.
So this career quest is more than just about selecting my next job or possibly switching career focuses. This career quest is including all parts of my life – both personal and professional. I want to make well informed, intentional, freely chosen decisions about my location as well as my career. So on that front my goal is to move somewhere and say “This place is good – period”.
I’ve always been open to moving to new locations for work – I’ve done small town USA, suburbia, big city, bigger city and sailing vessels. I’ve lived very close to or in most of the major cities in the Northeast – DC, Baltimore, Philadelphia and NYC. All have been great adventures and I’ve enjoyed every place I’ve ever lived. However, after many moves and travels around the world I realize that I’m not 23 anymore and I don’t really want my life to be in a temporary or flux state indefinitely. While I’ve enjoyed every place I’ve ever lived, similar to the jobs I’ve held, there has always been some big chunk that has led me to say, “Well, this place is good – for now.”
While I was in NYC it hit me that I was approaching my 35th birthday and I’m still saying, “This is fine….for now” every time I move. How will I ever be happy anywhere longer term if my attitude is that this is just ok for now? When will I stop saying this is only good for now but never more than a couple years? When am I going start pursuing some of the things I want to do and have in my life outside of my career? I realize that the answer to these questions is simple – I just have to choose to do them and make them a priority in my life – equal priority to finding the right job. That’s the tough part – career decisions are easy to make a priority – so much of our identity, financial well being, pride, and time are linked with the jobs we hold. The other parts of life are easier to minimize, delay, sacrifice, put off, or de-prioritize. Well no more! All of those things – both big and little, external and visible as well as internal and personal are going to be major parts of the equation this time around.
If I want to have an outdoor space – I need to not settle for a place that doesn’t have that. If I want a pet – I have to only look at places that allow pets and I need to make sure I have a job that doesn’t have me working 50+ hours a week. Priorities. In the past I have sacrificed many of the things I want in my life because, “this will just be a steppingstone”, “this apartment is too good to pass up”, “this is the practical thing to do at this time”. I could go on and on with the rationales I come up with to sacrifice or delay the small things in life that I want.
So this career quest is more than just about selecting my next job or possibly switching career focuses. This career quest is including all parts of my life – both personal and professional. I want to make well informed, intentional, freely chosen decisions about my location as well as my career. So on that front my goal is to move somewhere and say “This place is good – period”.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
On a Quest...for the Right Fit
Some of you know my plans now that I’m back in NJ and some of you do not so I thought I would share. Be prepared –this is a long post.
Here’s the big plan: I have no plan to job search for at least a few months. What??!! Am I crazy? Probably your first response. Understandable, because at first glance it does sound a bit reckless and unwise. I left a job, don’t currently have a job (or any income) and I need a job – so why don’t I look for a job???
Well the short answer is – getting a job has never been my biggest obstacle. Getting a job that is a good fit for me….ahhh, that is the real challenge and something I have struggled with forever. I decided I need to delay the job search and instead use this opportunity to do some of the work and goal setting that I have needed to do for years but have avoided, ignored or rationalized away for far too long. I had career and life goals when I got out of grad school – I had direction and drive. What I didn’t expect along the way? To reach all of those goals by the time I was 30! Oh, I know, tough place to be, right? I know I am spectacularly lucky to have done the things I’ve done and had the experiences I’ve had. Problem is – I never replaced the goals I reached with new ones. For the last five years or so I’ve sort of just been bouncing along allowing my decisions to be left largely in the hands of fate. Sailing without a rudder so to speak.
I knew I enjoyed the training and teaching aspects of my past jobs sooo maybe I’ll look for a job in training. Bam! – I get a great training job in Philly! Hmmm…hospitality is probably not the best fit for me, I really enjoy int’l education and deep down I feel like I’m not done with the living-on-a-ship thing. Ka-pow!! --miraculously a fantastic job comes up that allows me to do that!! Ok, that job was short-term and living on a ship is not a long term, sustainable situation sooo what’s next?? Hmmm…don’t know, let me just see what comes up. SCREEECHH – careening head on into a big brick wall and I didn’t even see it!! No real plan? No goals, no direction – just “I’ll see what comes up”?? No wonder I am where I am today!! Luckily I got the job in NY that turned out to be a spectacularly bad fit for me. I needed that experience to help get me into the right perspective and right frame of mind to be ready and able to go on this career and life quest.
So that brings me back to today. What is my plan for the future? First and foremost I need to work on goals. I need to research and explore possible directions so that I can develop solid goals that will help drive me and my decisions. But there is much more to it than that.
Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the power and importance of finding the right fit in a job and career. Ever since I was a career counselor I’ve talked about the importance of finding the right fit in a job. It’s not just about getting a job but about finding a job, an organization, a boss that is a good fit for your interests, skills, values, etc. I always felt that my career path was progressing nicely because each job I took was a better and better fit for me. BUT….ah there’s that pesky word…but there was always some aspect of the job or the place that nagged at me and continually whispered, “This is not exactly the right fit”.
Finding the right “fit” in a career or job is very similar to shopping for the right outfit. Ever try something on and most of it looks great, maybe even spectacular, but if there is one small part that doesn’t fit – a bunch here, a gap there, a pinch at the waist, an awkward drape there – it messes up the whole thing? Sometimes the rest of the outfit looks so good that you buy it anyway foolishly thinking that that small thing won’t bother you too much – and you’re the only one who really notices so who cares? But eventually you realize you aren’t wearing the outfit much, if at all, because that small thing turns out to be a big thing that jades your whole attitude toward the outfit and how you feel in it. Well – that’s exactly how most of the jobs in my career have felt to me. Some jobs have been a poor fit for my talents, others a bad fit for my personality, still others have clashed with my interests or my values. Nothing enormous and glaring – mostly very small things that didn’t fit (some were things only I noticed) that eventually wore me down, led me to lose energy and motivation and left me seeking my way out.
Once I recognized this as a pattern and not just the progression of a normal career is when I decided I needed to do something very different this time around. I decided that I need to take some serious time to read, reflect, research and soul search before jumping into another job. I need to be more intentional and thoughtful about the direction I am headed.
When I’m honest with myself I realize that there have been three underlining drivers behind all of the decisions I have made. One – I have made decisions based on what others think – is this job good enough? Prestigious enough? Worthy of someone of my intellect and education level? Two – I have made decisions based on what was most practical. What job would be in the place that would be the most practical or easiest to live (or sometimes which job is in the least inconvenient place)? What job has the most pros and the least amount of cons? Three - I have made decisions by only looking at the options before me. Based on my skills and experience – what jobs would relate and be options for me? If my personality, passions, talents and values are a fit too that would fantastic but probably not possible. I’ll look at my options and pick the one that fits for most number of aspects since finding a truly ideal, right fit is probably not possible.
Looking at options doesn’t sound too detrimental but I’m coming to realize just how limiting that can be. It’s like shopping in the same clothes stores time and time again even if you know that their clothes typically don’t fit exactly right for you. But it’s what you know so you keep going back.
Instead of looking at just options I’ve starting exploring and thinking about what the possibilities are in my life and career. What are the possibilities versus just what are my options? I like the word possibility becomes it leaves all doors open but is still very much grounded in reality.
It may just be a simple attitude shift but it’s a very powerful shift. It makes me think of the show “What Not to Wear” on TLC. The show helps women address their shopping fears, confront their body image issues, address old habits and flawed thinking and learn skills for finding clothes that are the right fit for them. I love the show because there’s a lot more too it then just helping someone purchase a more fashionable wardrobe. Most of the show is about helping women shift their attitudes about shopping and themselves. Shopping doesn’t have to be a dreadful chore, a hopeless quest, or a selfish activity. It is possible to find beautiful, fashionable clothes for any body type that fit, feel good and look spectacular.
At some point in every episode the woman being help will say something like, “I never would have considered trying this on but I absolutely love it,” or “I never thought something like this would look good on me,” or “I didn’t know there were stores with clothes like these.” They start to look at and be open to the possibilities rather than just past options.
Once their attitude changes they then commit to and are energized by the process. They are willing to try lots of different things on or go to many different stores in search of the perfect top or accessory for the fabulous skirt they found. The more they shop and try things on the more they learn about what looks good on them and can more easily recognize what will or will not be a good fit for them. Shopping then becomes an easier, more efficient, fun, positive adventure full of surprises and successes. Whoa – powerful stuff.
I’m lucky – I’ve never really had a bad attitude about clothes shopping. I do see it as an adventure and a fun challenge. Sometimes I get down about it or frustrated if I can’t find what I’m looking for (who doesn’t) but overall I have a positive attitude and outlook because I know that is possible to find that awesome fit.
Looking for jobs has been a different story. I’ll admit I’ve tended to see job searching as a dreaded chore rather than a joyous process of discovery and possibility. That attitude right there has put me at risk of running back to the same stores, trying on something quickly and buying it even if it isn’t an outstanding fit. Hmmm…doesn’t really increase my chances of finding the ideal fit does it? So a big part of my “career work” right now is focused on unearthing and addressing some of my past hang ups and self defeating attitudes so that I can better set myself up for success and create a positive cycle of change rather than simply repeating old patterns. Whoa – feels big…possible, but big.
I really like this analogy to clothes shopping for another reason. Many people look at me and say, “Well sure you enjoy shopping because you are thin.” And it is true that being slim offers me a lot more options of places to shop and styles to wear, however, let me say it loud and clear – we all have body image issues, and challenges with finding clothes that fit properly – no matter our size or weight. Some of us may have more options than others but the amount of challenge in finding the right fit is the same for all of us. Number of options do not equal number of possibilities. I think it sometimes feels like a bigger challenge and some people are less successful in shopping simply because of their attitude going into it. If our attitudes all started off in the same positive place then we would all have equal challenge in finding the perfect fit. So what are my challenges? Well I have super broad shoulders for my body frame, my waist and ribs are outrageously wide in proportion to the rest of my body (so everything is too tight in the waist) and I have a super short body on top of having ridiculously long monkey arms. My sister can attest to the fact that finding the right fit for me can sometimes be a SUPER big challenge. Who knew, right?
Same goes for careers. Many people look at me and are quick to say, “but you have so many skills and strong experience – it should be easy for you to find the right fit.” Yes, I am lucky – my skills, experience and education do probably afford me many more options than some other people however finding the right fit is still the same challenge for me as it is for everyone else.
So right now I feel like I am putting myself through my own Career version of “What Not to Wear”. Reframing my approach and attitude to the process so that once I’m full swing into the job search I will hopefully be more efficient, knowledgeable, skilled and successful in finding the truly right fit for me. I’m going to stop trying to rush the process just to get it over with and instead engage in the process fully. Stop window shopping and go try a lot of different things on – research possibilities, talk to people, volunteer at different places, get part time jobs in totally different fields, etc.
This time around I’m also seeking the help I need along the way. Just like in “What Not to Wear” – the women need the honest feedback, advice and help of Stacy and Clinton to break old habits, see new possibilities, learn new skills and bolster their confidence along the way. We all occasionally need friends to be honest and tell us if we are headed down the wrong track of what we think looks good or bolster us up if we get discouraged by only seeing limited options. Heck if I hadn’t had some good people in my life when I was a 13 and 14 year old gangly, awkward, unconfident mess to help me see how to widen my possibilities of finding clothes that fit, felt good and looked great who knows what kind of fashion disaster I would be now!
Career and job searching is the same. How did I ever think I could do it without help? I’ve enlisted a couple friends to be my “career sounding boards and coaches” –helping me see possibilities, connections and insights and calling me out on the negative crap that can block my way to success.
So am I looking for the one right career for me? No that would be silly because it doesn’t exist. If there was only one perfect job than I’d have as much hope of finding it as I would of winning the lottery. Talk about depressing and de-motivating…ugh. It would be like saying there is only one perfect outfit for everyone. I think there are many possible “right fits”. The perfect outfit depends on what occasion you need it for, what styles you like and what feels good on you and what makes you feel good about yourself. That’s why I have to become even more solid about what’s important to me, who I am and what I want. I need to not only look at my skills and experience but I need to advocate for the needs of my passions, personality, values and talents. All are equally important in finding the right fit.
I also need to start learning loads more about different career fields and possibilities. I can’t just window shop and expect to find the right fit without trying it on. Plus how many of the possible options are actually put in the window? Few, very few. Even if there are many possible “perfect fits” out there, unless I take the time to go in, touch, feel, try on, move around in and test out the many possibilities chances are slim that I’ll ever find even one.
So here is what’s different this time around and why I am not job searching at the moment:
Goals from my last period of transition (aka being between jobs):
-- Do all the things I normally can’t do when I have a real job (go to the gym, visit friends and family, etc.) –CHECK
-- Use only window shopping (aka internet job postings) to find my next job -- CHECK
-- Find a job that is the right fit – uhh…no check there
Goals for this period of transition:
- Commit to the process and the possibility
- Develop new goals in all areas of my life
- Don’t limit myself to only looking at the options I know exist
- Don’t settle
- Reflect on my passions, personality, values and talents
- Read and research voraciously every career field or job I’ve ever thought about or anyone has ever suggested to me
- Push the exploration process beyond just reading and researching - talk to people, volunteer, ask questions, etc.
- Be open to feedback, rejection and detours
- Take the risk of sharing with others and reaching out to make connections
- Seek out the help and support I need
- Enjoy the journey of discovery and keep a positive, optimistic attitude
- Be patient with myself and the process
- END GOAL – find the right fit by making a well informed decision free of external pressures, romantic ideas, and conditioned thinking about what is or is not possible.
Tall order, very tall order…but I’ll say it one more time – definitely possible.
Thank you in advance for all of your love, support, guidance and encouragement as I wade into this world of uncertainty and vulnerability in order to embark on this scary, yet exciting adventure.
Phew, sorry to get so philosophical, rambly and ridiculously lengthy but I hope the shopping metaphor was fun!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Another Place to Call Home
How’s this for irony:
Ever since I moved to Manhattan whenever I would return back to the city after a weekend or time away I would always have this surreal feeling upon returning. I would always think, “Is this really where I live? This is really my life? I live in NYC?” It was never a bad or dreadful feeling just a surreal one. I just felt like I had to adjust slightly to be back in “city mode”.
Right after I resigned from my job I headed down to Virginia to visit my god children and attend a self defense conference for a week. When I got back to the city and the bus dropped me off in mid-town Manhattan I got off and without even thinking I took a sigh of relief and thought, “Ahh…I’m home.”
I was quite surprised by the unexpected feeling and my next thought was, “Seriously? This place feels like home now?” The more I thought about it the more it did kind of make sense. Typically it takes about six months to completely transition and adjust to a new place and I was right at the six month mark in NYC.
At first I was saddened because I knew I’d only be there a couple more weeks. I was finally settled, adjusted and comfortable and now I had to leave. However the more I thought about it the less sad and more glad I became. NYC is home to me!
Every place I’ve ever lived has become home to me. That means that no matter how long I am away whenever I return there is a part of the place that just feels comfortable, familiar and, well…feels like home. I feel very lucky that NYC is one of those places to me.
Ever since I moved to Manhattan whenever I would return back to the city after a weekend or time away I would always have this surreal feeling upon returning. I would always think, “Is this really where I live? This is really my life? I live in NYC?” It was never a bad or dreadful feeling just a surreal one. I just felt like I had to adjust slightly to be back in “city mode”.
Right after I resigned from my job I headed down to Virginia to visit my god children and attend a self defense conference for a week. When I got back to the city and the bus dropped me off in mid-town Manhattan I got off and without even thinking I took a sigh of relief and thought, “Ahh…I’m home.”
I was quite surprised by the unexpected feeling and my next thought was, “Seriously? This place feels like home now?” The more I thought about it the more it did kind of make sense. Typically it takes about six months to completely transition and adjust to a new place and I was right at the six month mark in NYC.
At first I was saddened because I knew I’d only be there a couple more weeks. I was finally settled, adjusted and comfortable and now I had to leave. However the more I thought about it the less sad and more glad I became. NYC is home to me!
Every place I’ve ever lived has become home to me. That means that no matter how long I am away whenever I return there is a part of the place that just feels comfortable, familiar and, well…feels like home. I feel very lucky that NYC is one of those places to me.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I'm a Pro
Telling people that I chose to leave a job after only six months in this terrible economy without another gig lined up has produced some interesting responses. Some have thought I am down right crazy but most have been supportive and encouraging – neither response is super surprising. What has surprised me is just how many people seem to understand the leaving the job thing but they don’t understand the moving from NYC thing. Why wouldn’t I just look for another job? To me THAT is a crazy notion.
Why wouldn’t I just look for another job?!! It’s simple – in this job market there is no telling how long it could take to find another job and I’d be broke and penniless in about two months -- then what would I do? It would be crazy and careless to think that I could find another good job that quickly. I’m too much a realist and a planner to see it any other way. That’s the simple answer but there are two other bigger reasons as well.
First off, while I’ve really enjoyed my time in NYC if I am totally honest with myself I know that NYC is not where I am meant to be on a longer term basis. When I returned from the ship I knew that I wanted to make my life a priority – not just my job. I wanted to make sure I chose an area to live where I could see myself for a longer period of time. An area where I could find a place to live that wasn’t just “great – for now” – which is what I’ve always felt about the other places I’ve lived. For many reasons when the job in NYC came up I didn’t listen to that need – I ignored it and moved up here anyway. It was too great of an opportunity to pass up, right? Ha, ha – famous last words! Unfortunately I didn’t listen to my instinct and I took the job because, again, who wouldn’t take the job and move to NYC? And while I don’t regret coming up here at all – I needed this experience to get me to the mindset I’m in today and living in NYC has been such a great opportunity but again I look at that mindset of saying “why wouldn’t I take the job?” and realize that I was making decisions based on what seemed right on paper, so to speak, instead of what was truly right for me.
The second reason I didn’t for a minute consider staying in NYC is because this next job search is going to be so much more than just a task of finding a job (which is big and scary enough in itself - especially in this job market). I actually need to go on a career quest. I feel like I am at another big crossroads in my life and career. What do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to live? In what place and what kind of job can I have the kind of lifestyle that I need and want? Not questions that can be answered quickly or solved just by applying to job ads. Which is why I thought that setting myself up for a longer term transition and search period was the smartest thing to do.
Now you might say – isn’t that what I did when I came home from the ship last spring? Sadly as I look back to that time I realize that I did not set myself up for success in the transition period nor was I asking the hard questions of myself and doing the things I needed to do in order to get myself to the next “right” place. This time around I’m going to look for an interim job to tide me over so that I can allow myself to have a little bit of a life and not feel stuck, stalled and destitute. I’m going to ask the hard questions and do research, exploration and take the time to make wise choices. I’m going to be open to different opportunities and I’m going to do what I need to do to set myself up for success in this transition period and in the next career move. These are really not things I would have had the luxury of doing if I stayed in NY – I’d have felt so much financial pressure to “get a job” that I would have taken anything that came up and most likely found myself in the same position I’m in now all over again.
While I don’t see this transition as being an easy one (frankly it’s scaring me to death right now) but I will say it again and again – I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THIS OPTION. I’m thankful to my family for taking me in, for my friends for supporting and encouraging me, and for everyone who views my decision as brave and courageous rather than just crazy and foolish. I’m also super glad that I am a crazy planner and super saver who does not “live large” in my life.
That leads me back to the title of this post. As I think about it I wonder if part of the reason so many people view my job decision as wise but my move decision as hasty is because moving your life is big and overwhelming – something people don’t do very often. I’m a unique case though - I’ve done this moving thing more than a couple times. I’ve even done the moving my whole life into storage thing more than once before. I’m a pro at it. I was awake at 6am this morning mentally thinking through how I am going to pack each thing, how I am going to put things in storage so that what I might need will be accessible, taking a hard look at all that I have to see if there is anything else I can donate and get rid of. In some ways I enjoy the challenge of figuring it all out and making it work. A side benefit is that all this moving I’ve done has helped me to continue to pare down my life and my “stuff” so that I can live more simply – how fantastic! Don’t get me wrong – moving my whole life is still big, still overwhelming, extremely inconvenient and I still have way too much stuff but it doesn’t scare me to the same level as it does other folks. So now it’s time for breakfast then out to buy some boxes and pack, pack, pack. Just another normal day in my life.
Why wouldn’t I just look for another job?!! It’s simple – in this job market there is no telling how long it could take to find another job and I’d be broke and penniless in about two months -- then what would I do? It would be crazy and careless to think that I could find another good job that quickly. I’m too much a realist and a planner to see it any other way. That’s the simple answer but there are two other bigger reasons as well.
First off, while I’ve really enjoyed my time in NYC if I am totally honest with myself I know that NYC is not where I am meant to be on a longer term basis. When I returned from the ship I knew that I wanted to make my life a priority – not just my job. I wanted to make sure I chose an area to live where I could see myself for a longer period of time. An area where I could find a place to live that wasn’t just “great – for now” – which is what I’ve always felt about the other places I’ve lived. For many reasons when the job in NYC came up I didn’t listen to that need – I ignored it and moved up here anyway. It was too great of an opportunity to pass up, right? Ha, ha – famous last words! Unfortunately I didn’t listen to my instinct and I took the job because, again, who wouldn’t take the job and move to NYC? And while I don’t regret coming up here at all – I needed this experience to get me to the mindset I’m in today and living in NYC has been such a great opportunity but again I look at that mindset of saying “why wouldn’t I take the job?” and realize that I was making decisions based on what seemed right on paper, so to speak, instead of what was truly right for me.
The second reason I didn’t for a minute consider staying in NYC is because this next job search is going to be so much more than just a task of finding a job (which is big and scary enough in itself - especially in this job market). I actually need to go on a career quest. I feel like I am at another big crossroads in my life and career. What do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to live? In what place and what kind of job can I have the kind of lifestyle that I need and want? Not questions that can be answered quickly or solved just by applying to job ads. Which is why I thought that setting myself up for a longer term transition and search period was the smartest thing to do.
Now you might say – isn’t that what I did when I came home from the ship last spring? Sadly as I look back to that time I realize that I did not set myself up for success in the transition period nor was I asking the hard questions of myself and doing the things I needed to do in order to get myself to the next “right” place. This time around I’m going to look for an interim job to tide me over so that I can allow myself to have a little bit of a life and not feel stuck, stalled and destitute. I’m going to ask the hard questions and do research, exploration and take the time to make wise choices. I’m going to be open to different opportunities and I’m going to do what I need to do to set myself up for success in this transition period and in the next career move. These are really not things I would have had the luxury of doing if I stayed in NY – I’d have felt so much financial pressure to “get a job” that I would have taken anything that came up and most likely found myself in the same position I’m in now all over again.
While I don’t see this transition as being an easy one (frankly it’s scaring me to death right now) but I will say it again and again – I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THIS OPTION. I’m thankful to my family for taking me in, for my friends for supporting and encouraging me, and for everyone who views my decision as brave and courageous rather than just crazy and foolish. I’m also super glad that I am a crazy planner and super saver who does not “live large” in my life.
That leads me back to the title of this post. As I think about it I wonder if part of the reason so many people view my job decision as wise but my move decision as hasty is because moving your life is big and overwhelming – something people don’t do very often. I’m a unique case though - I’ve done this moving thing more than a couple times. I’ve even done the moving my whole life into storage thing more than once before. I’m a pro at it. I was awake at 6am this morning mentally thinking through how I am going to pack each thing, how I am going to put things in storage so that what I might need will be accessible, taking a hard look at all that I have to see if there is anything else I can donate and get rid of. In some ways I enjoy the challenge of figuring it all out and making it work. A side benefit is that all this moving I’ve done has helped me to continue to pare down my life and my “stuff” so that I can live more simply – how fantastic! Don’t get me wrong – moving my whole life is still big, still overwhelming, extremely inconvenient and I still have way too much stuff but it doesn’t scare me to the same level as it does other folks. So now it’s time for breakfast then out to buy some boxes and pack, pack, pack. Just another normal day in my life.
Monday, July 20, 2009
If I Can Make it Here...
My only real regret about choosing to leave my job so soon is that I will have to leave NYC without having had a chance to explore more. How many people get the chance to live in Manhattan? I am SO lucky to have had this opportunity. I got to live in one of the most amazing cities in the world!
Moving here was not as big of an adjustment as you might think. My real transition happened when I moved to Philly four years ago. THAT was a real transition getting used to city life. Moving to NYC was a bit overwhelming at first because it was so much bigger but in many ways NYC is an easier place to live than Philly. Well, more convenient anyway. Public transportation, restaurants and conveniences are much closer and easier to get to. I mean seriously within a three block radius of my house there are probably seven laundry places, three frozen yogurt places, five drug stores, four banks, two movie theatres, two bookstores, three Starbucks, three liquor stores, four Chinese massage places, a post office, a McDonalds, a fantastic hardware store and at least one restaurant for every ethnic food known to mankind. If I go five to six blocks I get to a Goodwill, two great parks (including Central Park), a river walk, the NYC library, the Met and one of the most convenient subway lines in the city. How fantastic is that? To top it all off I have a fabulous one bedroom apartment that was recently renovated, has lots of closet space (by NYC standards), two big windows with trees and sun outside (remember it’s about the little things in the city) and it’s only on the third floor so I only have to climb two flights of stairs. Woo hoo!
Sadly, my job did not leave me a lot of time to really explore the city properly. The fact that I moved here in the dead of winter and this spring was one of the rainiest on record didn’t help matters. Before you boo-hoo for me I have gotten to explore some things. I’ve at least passed through most major neighborhoods in the city – I even walked from 90th street all the way down to Battery Park - that’s about ¾ the length of Manhattan (thanks Susan!!), I’ve trekked to Queens and Brooklyn, gone to two plays and a musical and taken a boot camp class held on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Despite this small dent I’ve made in exploring the city I have decided to make it a priority to do something in the city every day for the next two weeks until my move. On my list: Coney Island/Brighton Beach, Roosevelt Island, more of Central Park, The Museum of the City of NY, the Bronx Zoo, The NY Transit Museum, the Chelsea Highline Park, Staten Island Ferry, yoga in Bryant Park, Broadway in Bryant Park, and two more musicals. I also have a few iconic restaurants on the list and any ethnic food I can’t easily get other places (Moroccan, Vietnamese, Ukrainian food anyone?). The best part? I can do all this and sleep in my own bed at night. It may sound weird but it kinda reminds me of being on the ship. I got to explore some amazingly iconic cities around the world while sleeping in my own bed all the while – who could ask for anything more?
So what has been my favorite part of NYC so far? The diversity and converging of many cultures all in one place has definitely been one of the most interesting and exciting parts of the city. It is no exaggeration to say that at least 65% of the time when I’m walking down the street I do not hear English being spoken. Not too unique, right? What is unique is that it is not just one or two languages that I hear being spoken but multitudes. Turkish, Mandarin, Ukrainian, Spanish, French, Vietnamese, German, Japanese, Portuguese, Greek…and I could go on and on. It’s not uncommon that I hear three to four different languages being spoken just during my walk to the subway. Where else in the world does that happen on a regular basis in almost every neighborhood?
Well if I’m going to get through my NYC list before the end of next week I better stop typing and get going. I’m actually hoping that this amazingly low humidity perfect weather lets up by sometime next week otherwise it is going to feel really difficult to turn the keys to my apartment over to the Super. I hope that each of you get the chance to experience the diversity, energy and excitement that is New York City at least once during your life!!
Moving here was not as big of an adjustment as you might think. My real transition happened when I moved to Philly four years ago. THAT was a real transition getting used to city life. Moving to NYC was a bit overwhelming at first because it was so much bigger but in many ways NYC is an easier place to live than Philly. Well, more convenient anyway. Public transportation, restaurants and conveniences are much closer and easier to get to. I mean seriously within a three block radius of my house there are probably seven laundry places, three frozen yogurt places, five drug stores, four banks, two movie theatres, two bookstores, three Starbucks, three liquor stores, four Chinese massage places, a post office, a McDonalds, a fantastic hardware store and at least one restaurant for every ethnic food known to mankind. If I go five to six blocks I get to a Goodwill, two great parks (including Central Park), a river walk, the NYC library, the Met and one of the most convenient subway lines in the city. How fantastic is that? To top it all off I have a fabulous one bedroom apartment that was recently renovated, has lots of closet space (by NYC standards), two big windows with trees and sun outside (remember it’s about the little things in the city) and it’s only on the third floor so I only have to climb two flights of stairs. Woo hoo!
Sadly, my job did not leave me a lot of time to really explore the city properly. The fact that I moved here in the dead of winter and this spring was one of the rainiest on record didn’t help matters. Before you boo-hoo for me I have gotten to explore some things. I’ve at least passed through most major neighborhoods in the city – I even walked from 90th street all the way down to Battery Park - that’s about ¾ the length of Manhattan (thanks Susan!!), I’ve trekked to Queens and Brooklyn, gone to two plays and a musical and taken a boot camp class held on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Despite this small dent I’ve made in exploring the city I have decided to make it a priority to do something in the city every day for the next two weeks until my move. On my list: Coney Island/Brighton Beach, Roosevelt Island, more of Central Park, The Museum of the City of NY, the Bronx Zoo, The NY Transit Museum, the Chelsea Highline Park, Staten Island Ferry, yoga in Bryant Park, Broadway in Bryant Park, and two more musicals. I also have a few iconic restaurants on the list and any ethnic food I can’t easily get other places (Moroccan, Vietnamese, Ukrainian food anyone?). The best part? I can do all this and sleep in my own bed at night. It may sound weird but it kinda reminds me of being on the ship. I got to explore some amazingly iconic cities around the world while sleeping in my own bed all the while – who could ask for anything more?
So what has been my favorite part of NYC so far? The diversity and converging of many cultures all in one place has definitely been one of the most interesting and exciting parts of the city. It is no exaggeration to say that at least 65% of the time when I’m walking down the street I do not hear English being spoken. Not too unique, right? What is unique is that it is not just one or two languages that I hear being spoken but multitudes. Turkish, Mandarin, Ukrainian, Spanish, French, Vietnamese, German, Japanese, Portuguese, Greek…and I could go on and on. It’s not uncommon that I hear three to four different languages being spoken just during my walk to the subway. Where else in the world does that happen on a regular basis in almost every neighborhood?
Well if I’m going to get through my NYC list before the end of next week I better stop typing and get going. I’m actually hoping that this amazingly low humidity perfect weather lets up by sometime next week otherwise it is going to feel really difficult to turn the keys to my apartment over to the Super. I hope that each of you get the chance to experience the diversity, energy and excitement that is New York City at least once during your life!!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Tough Decisions
I need to apologize to my once faithful readers for my neglect and broken promises. For many months I haven’t been in the right mental space for writing. Why is that? There are many reasons but the main reason is because I’ve been going through a bit of a struggle the last few months. It turns out that the job in NYC was a horribly bad fit for me. Actually, the job itself wasn’t a bad fit but the organization and its current state was a horribly bad fit for me.
In any job I’ve ever held, no matter how challenging or frustrating, I’ve always felt like I was growing in some way and adding value to the organization. I did not experience either one in this job. I felt like I was constantly spinning my wheels, not doing my best work and generally operating super far from my highest and my best. I did not like who I was there. Working for this organization mentally, emotionally and physically drained me down to zero, suffocated my soul, decimated my confidence and crushed my spirit. All this didn’t allow me any physical or mental energy to enjoy this tremendous city I live in, nor did it allow me to have much of a life outside of work. I enjoy working hard and putting in the time when I feel like I am truly contributing and adding value but when I don’t then what’s the point?
Well if you haven’t guessed from all the past tense talk above I recently resigned my position. It was a very tough decision but one that I feel very good about now. Ironically, with all of my lamenting about not contributing or adding value, when people started finding out I was leaving an overwhelming number shared with me that I had had a tremendous impact on them and the place even in my short time there. Luckily I made this decision for all the right reasons so this feedback did not make me waiver in my decision – I knew that the damage being done to me was more of a sacrifice than I was willing to make to “stick it out”. The awareness of what the job was doing to me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is also what led me to decide to resign without another job lined up.
Crazy, but true. So what’s next for me? At the end of July I am packing up and moving back to NJ. I’m actually kind of sad to be leaving NYC so soon but realistically I don’t think NYC is where I’m meant to end up permanently and if I stayed up here I’d be penniless within two months without a job. So it’s back to South Jersey for me. I’m actually feeling quite optimistic and hopeful for the future (despite this depressing economy) and feel like I have a TOTALLY different perspective on job searching and the search for what I’m meant to do next than I did when I came home from the ship last year.
I don’t regret my decision to take this job or move to NYC. Unfortunately I was working for this organization during an exceptionally tumultuous time and I do believe it is on the path to better days. Sadly my head and heart were just not it in to stick it out through the badness. It just wasn’t worth the risk of it permanently damaging me, and I’m also not sure that even on the other side there would be enough to sustain and fulfill me.
I am thankful and appreciative of this experience because it’s given me clarity about what I need and want in life. It has also given me a total perspective shift about this next period of exploration and job searching. Like I said I am feeling hopeful, optimistic and focused.
Stay tuned for future posts with updates on my move and progress on my vision quest for what’s next. I feel my creative and mental energy coming back!
In any job I’ve ever held, no matter how challenging or frustrating, I’ve always felt like I was growing in some way and adding value to the organization. I did not experience either one in this job. I felt like I was constantly spinning my wheels, not doing my best work and generally operating super far from my highest and my best. I did not like who I was there. Working for this organization mentally, emotionally and physically drained me down to zero, suffocated my soul, decimated my confidence and crushed my spirit. All this didn’t allow me any physical or mental energy to enjoy this tremendous city I live in, nor did it allow me to have much of a life outside of work. I enjoy working hard and putting in the time when I feel like I am truly contributing and adding value but when I don’t then what’s the point?
Well if you haven’t guessed from all the past tense talk above I recently resigned my position. It was a very tough decision but one that I feel very good about now. Ironically, with all of my lamenting about not contributing or adding value, when people started finding out I was leaving an overwhelming number shared with me that I had had a tremendous impact on them and the place even in my short time there. Luckily I made this decision for all the right reasons so this feedback did not make me waiver in my decision – I knew that the damage being done to me was more of a sacrifice than I was willing to make to “stick it out”. The awareness of what the job was doing to me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is also what led me to decide to resign without another job lined up.
Crazy, but true. So what’s next for me? At the end of July I am packing up and moving back to NJ. I’m actually kind of sad to be leaving NYC so soon but realistically I don’t think NYC is where I’m meant to end up permanently and if I stayed up here I’d be penniless within two months without a job. So it’s back to South Jersey for me. I’m actually feeling quite optimistic and hopeful for the future (despite this depressing economy) and feel like I have a TOTALLY different perspective on job searching and the search for what I’m meant to do next than I did when I came home from the ship last year.
I don’t regret my decision to take this job or move to NYC. Unfortunately I was working for this organization during an exceptionally tumultuous time and I do believe it is on the path to better days. Sadly my head and heart were just not it in to stick it out through the badness. It just wasn’t worth the risk of it permanently damaging me, and I’m also not sure that even on the other side there would be enough to sustain and fulfill me.
I am thankful and appreciative of this experience because it’s given me clarity about what I need and want in life. It has also given me a total perspective shift about this next period of exploration and job searching. Like I said I am feeling hopeful, optimistic and focused.
Stay tuned for future posts with updates on my move and progress on my vision quest for what’s next. I feel my creative and mental energy coming back!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
People...People...People
I’ve been living in the city now for just under six weeks and the most striking part to me so far is just how many people there are EVERYWHERE. I know what you’re thinking…duh…..I’m in NYC - of course there are people everywhere. That’s what I thought too when I first moved here. I’ve been to some VERY densely populated cities – cities like Shanghai, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Ho Chi Minh City and Chennai where personal space is a scarcity and you bump into (or are crushed into) someone at every turn. Some of these cities dwarf NYC in size and density but this is the first time I’ve actually lived in a city of this size.
Since I lived in a city before I didn’t think I would have too huge of a transition. NYC is a lot bigger than Philly but it’s still just a city. And yes – it IS a lot bigger and will take a lot more time to explore, find my way around and figure out my favorite places. No surprise there. But what did surprise me is just how different it is living in a city with such an extreme volume of people…everywhere…all the time. I’m used to being able to easily figure out when the peak busy times and slower times are at different places and be able to plan accordingly. I knew when to go shopping, when to get groceries, when to go to the gym, when to go to the DMV, when to go to the post office and when to pass on all of those things to avoid crazy crowds or lines. I have always prided myself on being able to figure out the most hassle-free times to run any kind of errand. Not as easy here.
The streets are crowded with people any time of day or night, cars fill the roads and make it difficult to cross the street any time of day or night, the subway is busy every time of day and night. The gym is packed at all times whether it’s 9am on a Sunday morning, 9pm on a Saturday night or 2pm on a weekday. I have to get to the gym 10 or 15 minutes ahead to get into any of the classes and people are constantly turned away. Movies that have been in theatres for over 2 months are sold out for the 7:10pm, 4:30pm AND 11:30am showings. Seriously? Sold out for an 11:30am show on a gorgeous sunny day? Over 100 cardio machines at my gym and they are all filled at 8:30pm at night??? Over 50 people in a workout class at 9am on the Sunday after Valentine’s day? Really? Yes, really. Whoa – this is going to take some getting used to.
At first it was crazy frustrating and a bit deflating but I’m finding that I just have to be a bit more creative in what I do and when I do it to avoid being overwhelmed by crowds or disappointed by being turned away. I try and choose gym classes that are less popular (but still good), I buy a movie ticket while I’m out running errands and then arrive 20 minutes ahead to get a decent seat, I sometimes take the extra 5-10 minutes to ride the bus and avoid the jam packed subway or wait for the next train when the current train is so packed people are literally squeezing in just before the doors close. I’m also adjusting my definition of “not crowded” and “slow time”. If I head out shopping at 9am on a Saturday (which in most places is an absolutely dead time at stores) there will be lots of people and maybe even a line or two but it’s still better than the lines and crowds during peak times.
I’m also beginning to understand why New Yorkers have the reputation of never smiling and being abrupt. I have a book about relocating to NYC that says New Yorkers may not smile but that does not mean they are unfriendly – if you ask for help many will kindly oblige – just don’t expect them to offer help without you asking. I totally get that now. I’m usually someone who tries to smile and make eye contact as I walk down the street or go about my day but on the streets of NY I find it’s just too much. There are just too many people – acknowledging and looking at everyone would wear me out and overwhelm me in as little as one day. And, most of the time I’m just focused on getting where I’m going or simply blocking everything around me out so that it doesn’t overwhelm me. I kinda go into autopilot – as if there is no one else around – not smiling, zoning out the things around me or just focusing on my destination. I think that’s what happens to a lot of people. It’s a survival tactic to avoid becoming too drained, overwhelmed or frustrated by the volume and density of people (at least for us introverts anyway). I guess that means I’m one step closer to being a real New Yorker, right?
Since I lived in a city before I didn’t think I would have too huge of a transition. NYC is a lot bigger than Philly but it’s still just a city. And yes – it IS a lot bigger and will take a lot more time to explore, find my way around and figure out my favorite places. No surprise there. But what did surprise me is just how different it is living in a city with such an extreme volume of people…everywhere…all the time. I’m used to being able to easily figure out when the peak busy times and slower times are at different places and be able to plan accordingly. I knew when to go shopping, when to get groceries, when to go to the gym, when to go to the DMV, when to go to the post office and when to pass on all of those things to avoid crazy crowds or lines. I have always prided myself on being able to figure out the most hassle-free times to run any kind of errand. Not as easy here.
The streets are crowded with people any time of day or night, cars fill the roads and make it difficult to cross the street any time of day or night, the subway is busy every time of day and night. The gym is packed at all times whether it’s 9am on a Sunday morning, 9pm on a Saturday night or 2pm on a weekday. I have to get to the gym 10 or 15 minutes ahead to get into any of the classes and people are constantly turned away. Movies that have been in theatres for over 2 months are sold out for the 7:10pm, 4:30pm AND 11:30am showings. Seriously? Sold out for an 11:30am show on a gorgeous sunny day? Over 100 cardio machines at my gym and they are all filled at 8:30pm at night??? Over 50 people in a workout class at 9am on the Sunday after Valentine’s day? Really? Yes, really. Whoa – this is going to take some getting used to.
At first it was crazy frustrating and a bit deflating but I’m finding that I just have to be a bit more creative in what I do and when I do it to avoid being overwhelmed by crowds or disappointed by being turned away. I try and choose gym classes that are less popular (but still good), I buy a movie ticket while I’m out running errands and then arrive 20 minutes ahead to get a decent seat, I sometimes take the extra 5-10 minutes to ride the bus and avoid the jam packed subway or wait for the next train when the current train is so packed people are literally squeezing in just before the doors close. I’m also adjusting my definition of “not crowded” and “slow time”. If I head out shopping at 9am on a Saturday (which in most places is an absolutely dead time at stores) there will be lots of people and maybe even a line or two but it’s still better than the lines and crowds during peak times.
I’m also beginning to understand why New Yorkers have the reputation of never smiling and being abrupt. I have a book about relocating to NYC that says New Yorkers may not smile but that does not mean they are unfriendly – if you ask for help many will kindly oblige – just don’t expect them to offer help without you asking. I totally get that now. I’m usually someone who tries to smile and make eye contact as I walk down the street or go about my day but on the streets of NY I find it’s just too much. There are just too many people – acknowledging and looking at everyone would wear me out and overwhelm me in as little as one day. And, most of the time I’m just focused on getting where I’m going or simply blocking everything around me out so that it doesn’t overwhelm me. I kinda go into autopilot – as if there is no one else around – not smiling, zoning out the things around me or just focusing on my destination. I think that’s what happens to a lot of people. It’s a survival tactic to avoid becoming too drained, overwhelmed or frustrated by the volume and density of people (at least for us introverts anyway). I guess that means I’m one step closer to being a real New Yorker, right?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Next Chapter
I can’t believe it’s been over two months since my last post! A lot has been happening these past couple of months. The next twist in my journey has revealed itself…I’m finally on course to my next portage!
With the economy taking a nose dive in September and the job market following closely behind I was in the process of bracing myself for a much longer period of unemployment. Then, seemingly out of no where, an opportunity practically dropped into my lap.
I am now working as Director – Learning & Development for an upscale hotel in NYC. Yes – NYC! Never thought I would move here but I’ve been here a week and really enjoying the city. It’s not as overwhelming as I thought. The job is a great fit for my skills and talents.
I have been quite lame about updating this blog recently. I am going to try and update it more regularly – sharing stories of transitioning to and adventuring in NYC. I promise to be more faithful!
With the economy taking a nose dive in September and the job market following closely behind I was in the process of bracing myself for a much longer period of unemployment. Then, seemingly out of no where, an opportunity practically dropped into my lap.
I am now working as Director – Learning & Development for an upscale hotel in NYC. Yes – NYC! Never thought I would move here but I’ve been here a week and really enjoying the city. It’s not as overwhelming as I thought. The job is a great fit for my skills and talents.
I have been quite lame about updating this blog recently. I am going to try and update it more regularly – sharing stories of transitioning to and adventuring in NYC. I promise to be more faithful!
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