Free Time...

Believe it or not it is a blessing AND a curse. Since I’ve been home I’ve had quite a bit of free time. There are lots of amazing perks to having a lot of free time. I know many of you have been envious of my ability to take this kind of time between jobs. I know that I am AMAZINGLY lucky.

It’s been really nice to be able to sleep in, help my sister out with the baby, be available to do things whenever I want, visit friends all over the East Coast whenever it works for them, catch up on reading magazines, sit on the beach on a gorgeous day during the middle of the week and basically be the boss of my schedule 24-7. It is great!

There is, unfortunately, a darker down side to all of this free time. First off there is this little concept called inertia that operates in life just as much as it does in the physical world. When I have a lot to do I am able to be super productive in all areas of my life. When I don’t have as much to do it can feel tortuous to get motivated and inspired to do anything at all. I procrastinate and feel super low energy around even the simplest things. Let me tell you how fun that can make staying on task with a job search.

Secondly, having all this free time has meant I spend a bit more time by myself. Now don’t get me wrong – I enjoy my own company and have no problem spending lots of time with just me. The problem is that all this time by myself gives me nothing but time to live in my head and think about things – and unfortunately all that thinking can sometimes lead to obsessing. Which then leads to plenty of opportunity for doubts, fears and negative thoughts to burrow into my head, fester, grow and multiple until they get out of control. I’ve stressed over everything from the job search, to my health, to where I want to live next, to what I want out of life, to money, and on and on.

Unfortunately much of this stressing and thinking has been unhealthy and unproductive. Not the kind of thinking and reflecting that leads to grand revelations or solid decisions about life, but thinking that can shatter confidence and paralyze with fear. I can see it when it happens and feel it when it happens and I know that it’s totally irrational but, at times, I’ve felt helpless to control it – I just can’t get out of my head. Let me tell you that is an icky place to be.

Luckily I have been able to recognize it for what it is – unhealthy, distorted, obsessive, harmful thinking. Just recognizing the irrational-ness of this kind of thinking helps me to regain some perspective and distance myself from the potential negative impacts this kind of thinking can have on life.

In recent weeks I’ve tried to do some things differently in my schedule to lessen the types of situations and time that leaves me most vulnerable to all this obsessive thinking. I’ve tried to give myself more to do. I’m focusing on catching up on current events and world affairs (I was almost completely out of the loop for 8 months)…I’m working on a gigantic home improvement project at my mom’s house (refinishing floors and painting)….I’m exercising more (this helps a lot)…I’m giving myself goals for writing on my blog...I’m spending time on the beach soaking up the rays (the beach has always been a place for positive, productive thinking for me).

The other thing I’ve been conscious about doing is spending more time with different people and getting away on a regular basis. I don’t know how stay at home moms do it. Spending whole days watching Zach have been great but they can also drive me to the edge and cause me to become a bit batty. I’ve found the need to be super intentional about making sure that I get plenty of adult time (again – to help me get out of my head). Also, running away for a couple days to visit friends has been tremendously helpful too. Nothing helps snap me out of a negative thought pattern faster than to move myself to a different physical environment and spend time with different friends. That has been the best medicine for helping me keep perspective and get out of my head.

Who knew that having so much free time would be so much darn work, right?? I think this struggle with my thoughts is all part of the process of transitioning back and starting down the road of figuring out what is next for me. This road is definitely going to be longer than it was last time I returned. My job right now is just to try and develop the right habits and routines that will keep me in the proper mindset for finding out what I’m supposed to do and where I’m supposed to be next in life.

Public Transportation

I love it! Through all of my travels over the years I’ve gotten pretty savvy at navigating and using all types of public transportation. My two years in Philly really confirmed my love of public transportation. I relied on the buses and subways to get me around the city when I didn’t have my car in the city (which was 90% of the time). It was easier, cheaper and more convenient than using my car all the time.

Since I’ve returned home from TSS and felt the shock of outrageous gas prices I’ve found myself relying on public transportation more than ever before. Eight weeks home and I have been on 16 trains, 2 buses, multiple subways and a handful of trolleys. All of which have turned out to be more economical and cheaper than if I had driven. I am usually a big road tripper but I’ve only road tripped twice since returning home and that was only because public transportation was not available.

There is a bit of an adjustment when moving from relying on a car to using public transportation. It does sometimes take a little bit longer to get where I am going, I have to be more strategic about when I travel and I can’t take tons of stuff with me because I do have to haul it around a little bit. Those minor inconveniences are easy to adjust to and they will always pale in comparison to the benefits. I can relax, sleep, read and write while I’m traveling, I never have to sit in traffic or get stressed out about it, I don’t have to stop to pee or get food while traveling and with current gas prices it is officially cheaper for me use any and all forms of public transportation (including trains which aren’t the cheapest) rather than driving.

My one wish would be that cities in the US had better public transportation systems. The US is a car country. Public transportation is sometimes not as consistent, thorough or convenient as it could or should be. Unfortunately I think that discourages people from using it. Other cities around the world have WAY better and more elaborate public transportation systems than most places in the US. Perhaps one of the positive side effects of high gas prices could be that cities look to expand and improve their public transportation options. Wishful thinking? Perhaps, but a girl can dream can’t she?

If you live near a metropolitan area and have felt the crunch of gas prices I would encourage you to check out the public transportation options available to you. You might be surprised at how easy, convenient and economical the options might be.

More Postings on the Way

I apologize for being MIA lately on my blog. I have a number of new posts in the works. Check back in the coming weeks. Thanks for your patience...