Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I'm a Pro
Telling people that I chose to leave a job after only six months in this terrible economy without another gig lined up has produced some interesting responses. Some have thought I am down right crazy but most have been supportive and encouraging – neither response is super surprising. What has surprised me is just how many people seem to understand the leaving the job thing but they don’t understand the moving from NYC thing. Why wouldn’t I just look for another job? To me THAT is a crazy notion.
Why wouldn’t I just look for another job?!! It’s simple – in this job market there is no telling how long it could take to find another job and I’d be broke and penniless in about two months -- then what would I do? It would be crazy and careless to think that I could find another good job that quickly. I’m too much a realist and a planner to see it any other way. That’s the simple answer but there are two other bigger reasons as well.
First off, while I’ve really enjoyed my time in NYC if I am totally honest with myself I know that NYC is not where I am meant to be on a longer term basis. When I returned from the ship I knew that I wanted to make my life a priority – not just my job. I wanted to make sure I chose an area to live where I could see myself for a longer period of time. An area where I could find a place to live that wasn’t just “great – for now” – which is what I’ve always felt about the other places I’ve lived. For many reasons when the job in NYC came up I didn’t listen to that need – I ignored it and moved up here anyway. It was too great of an opportunity to pass up, right? Ha, ha – famous last words! Unfortunately I didn’t listen to my instinct and I took the job because, again, who wouldn’t take the job and move to NYC? And while I don’t regret coming up here at all – I needed this experience to get me to the mindset I’m in today and living in NYC has been such a great opportunity but again I look at that mindset of saying “why wouldn’t I take the job?” and realize that I was making decisions based on what seemed right on paper, so to speak, instead of what was truly right for me.
The second reason I didn’t for a minute consider staying in NYC is because this next job search is going to be so much more than just a task of finding a job (which is big and scary enough in itself - especially in this job market). I actually need to go on a career quest. I feel like I am at another big crossroads in my life and career. What do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to live? In what place and what kind of job can I have the kind of lifestyle that I need and want? Not questions that can be answered quickly or solved just by applying to job ads. Which is why I thought that setting myself up for a longer term transition and search period was the smartest thing to do.
Now you might say – isn’t that what I did when I came home from the ship last spring? Sadly as I look back to that time I realize that I did not set myself up for success in the transition period nor was I asking the hard questions of myself and doing the things I needed to do in order to get myself to the next “right” place. This time around I’m going to look for an interim job to tide me over so that I can allow myself to have a little bit of a life and not feel stuck, stalled and destitute. I’m going to ask the hard questions and do research, exploration and take the time to make wise choices. I’m going to be open to different opportunities and I’m going to do what I need to do to set myself up for success in this transition period and in the next career move. These are really not things I would have had the luxury of doing if I stayed in NY – I’d have felt so much financial pressure to “get a job” that I would have taken anything that came up and most likely found myself in the same position I’m in now all over again.
While I don’t see this transition as being an easy one (frankly it’s scaring me to death right now) but I will say it again and again – I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THIS OPTION. I’m thankful to my family for taking me in, for my friends for supporting and encouraging me, and for everyone who views my decision as brave and courageous rather than just crazy and foolish. I’m also super glad that I am a crazy planner and super saver who does not “live large” in my life.
That leads me back to the title of this post. As I think about it I wonder if part of the reason so many people view my job decision as wise but my move decision as hasty is because moving your life is big and overwhelming – something people don’t do very often. I’m a unique case though - I’ve done this moving thing more than a couple times. I’ve even done the moving my whole life into storage thing more than once before. I’m a pro at it. I was awake at 6am this morning mentally thinking through how I am going to pack each thing, how I am going to put things in storage so that what I might need will be accessible, taking a hard look at all that I have to see if there is anything else I can donate and get rid of. In some ways I enjoy the challenge of figuring it all out and making it work. A side benefit is that all this moving I’ve done has helped me to continue to pare down my life and my “stuff” so that I can live more simply – how fantastic! Don’t get me wrong – moving my whole life is still big, still overwhelming, extremely inconvenient and I still have way too much stuff but it doesn’t scare me to the same level as it does other folks. So now it’s time for breakfast then out to buy some boxes and pack, pack, pack. Just another normal day in my life.
Why wouldn’t I just look for another job?!! It’s simple – in this job market there is no telling how long it could take to find another job and I’d be broke and penniless in about two months -- then what would I do? It would be crazy and careless to think that I could find another good job that quickly. I’m too much a realist and a planner to see it any other way. That’s the simple answer but there are two other bigger reasons as well.
First off, while I’ve really enjoyed my time in NYC if I am totally honest with myself I know that NYC is not where I am meant to be on a longer term basis. When I returned from the ship I knew that I wanted to make my life a priority – not just my job. I wanted to make sure I chose an area to live where I could see myself for a longer period of time. An area where I could find a place to live that wasn’t just “great – for now” – which is what I’ve always felt about the other places I’ve lived. For many reasons when the job in NYC came up I didn’t listen to that need – I ignored it and moved up here anyway. It was too great of an opportunity to pass up, right? Ha, ha – famous last words! Unfortunately I didn’t listen to my instinct and I took the job because, again, who wouldn’t take the job and move to NYC? And while I don’t regret coming up here at all – I needed this experience to get me to the mindset I’m in today and living in NYC has been such a great opportunity but again I look at that mindset of saying “why wouldn’t I take the job?” and realize that I was making decisions based on what seemed right on paper, so to speak, instead of what was truly right for me.
The second reason I didn’t for a minute consider staying in NYC is because this next job search is going to be so much more than just a task of finding a job (which is big and scary enough in itself - especially in this job market). I actually need to go on a career quest. I feel like I am at another big crossroads in my life and career. What do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to live? In what place and what kind of job can I have the kind of lifestyle that I need and want? Not questions that can be answered quickly or solved just by applying to job ads. Which is why I thought that setting myself up for a longer term transition and search period was the smartest thing to do.
Now you might say – isn’t that what I did when I came home from the ship last spring? Sadly as I look back to that time I realize that I did not set myself up for success in the transition period nor was I asking the hard questions of myself and doing the things I needed to do in order to get myself to the next “right” place. This time around I’m going to look for an interim job to tide me over so that I can allow myself to have a little bit of a life and not feel stuck, stalled and destitute. I’m going to ask the hard questions and do research, exploration and take the time to make wise choices. I’m going to be open to different opportunities and I’m going to do what I need to do to set myself up for success in this transition period and in the next career move. These are really not things I would have had the luxury of doing if I stayed in NY – I’d have felt so much financial pressure to “get a job” that I would have taken anything that came up and most likely found myself in the same position I’m in now all over again.
While I don’t see this transition as being an easy one (frankly it’s scaring me to death right now) but I will say it again and again – I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THIS OPTION. I’m thankful to my family for taking me in, for my friends for supporting and encouraging me, and for everyone who views my decision as brave and courageous rather than just crazy and foolish. I’m also super glad that I am a crazy planner and super saver who does not “live large” in my life.
That leads me back to the title of this post. As I think about it I wonder if part of the reason so many people view my job decision as wise but my move decision as hasty is because moving your life is big and overwhelming – something people don’t do very often. I’m a unique case though - I’ve done this moving thing more than a couple times. I’ve even done the moving my whole life into storage thing more than once before. I’m a pro at it. I was awake at 6am this morning mentally thinking through how I am going to pack each thing, how I am going to put things in storage so that what I might need will be accessible, taking a hard look at all that I have to see if there is anything else I can donate and get rid of. In some ways I enjoy the challenge of figuring it all out and making it work. A side benefit is that all this moving I’ve done has helped me to continue to pare down my life and my “stuff” so that I can live more simply – how fantastic! Don’t get me wrong – moving my whole life is still big, still overwhelming, extremely inconvenient and I still have way too much stuff but it doesn’t scare me to the same level as it does other folks. So now it’s time for breakfast then out to buy some boxes and pack, pack, pack. Just another normal day in my life.
Monday, July 20, 2009
If I Can Make it Here...
My only real regret about choosing to leave my job so soon is that I will have to leave NYC without having had a chance to explore more. How many people get the chance to live in Manhattan? I am SO lucky to have had this opportunity. I got to live in one of the most amazing cities in the world!
Moving here was not as big of an adjustment as you might think. My real transition happened when I moved to Philly four years ago. THAT was a real transition getting used to city life. Moving to NYC was a bit overwhelming at first because it was so much bigger but in many ways NYC is an easier place to live than Philly. Well, more convenient anyway. Public transportation, restaurants and conveniences are much closer and easier to get to. I mean seriously within a three block radius of my house there are probably seven laundry places, three frozen yogurt places, five drug stores, four banks, two movie theatres, two bookstores, three Starbucks, three liquor stores, four Chinese massage places, a post office, a McDonalds, a fantastic hardware store and at least one restaurant for every ethnic food known to mankind. If I go five to six blocks I get to a Goodwill, two great parks (including Central Park), a river walk, the NYC library, the Met and one of the most convenient subway lines in the city. How fantastic is that? To top it all off I have a fabulous one bedroom apartment that was recently renovated, has lots of closet space (by NYC standards), two big windows with trees and sun outside (remember it’s about the little things in the city) and it’s only on the third floor so I only have to climb two flights of stairs. Woo hoo!
Sadly, my job did not leave me a lot of time to really explore the city properly. The fact that I moved here in the dead of winter and this spring was one of the rainiest on record didn’t help matters. Before you boo-hoo for me I have gotten to explore some things. I’ve at least passed through most major neighborhoods in the city – I even walked from 90th street all the way down to Battery Park - that’s about ¾ the length of Manhattan (thanks Susan!!), I’ve trekked to Queens and Brooklyn, gone to two plays and a musical and taken a boot camp class held on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Despite this small dent I’ve made in exploring the city I have decided to make it a priority to do something in the city every day for the next two weeks until my move. On my list: Coney Island/Brighton Beach, Roosevelt Island, more of Central Park, The Museum of the City of NY, the Bronx Zoo, The NY Transit Museum, the Chelsea Highline Park, Staten Island Ferry, yoga in Bryant Park, Broadway in Bryant Park, and two more musicals. I also have a few iconic restaurants on the list and any ethnic food I can’t easily get other places (Moroccan, Vietnamese, Ukrainian food anyone?). The best part? I can do all this and sleep in my own bed at night. It may sound weird but it kinda reminds me of being on the ship. I got to explore some amazingly iconic cities around the world while sleeping in my own bed all the while – who could ask for anything more?
So what has been my favorite part of NYC so far? The diversity and converging of many cultures all in one place has definitely been one of the most interesting and exciting parts of the city. It is no exaggeration to say that at least 65% of the time when I’m walking down the street I do not hear English being spoken. Not too unique, right? What is unique is that it is not just one or two languages that I hear being spoken but multitudes. Turkish, Mandarin, Ukrainian, Spanish, French, Vietnamese, German, Japanese, Portuguese, Greek…and I could go on and on. It’s not uncommon that I hear three to four different languages being spoken just during my walk to the subway. Where else in the world does that happen on a regular basis in almost every neighborhood?
Well if I’m going to get through my NYC list before the end of next week I better stop typing and get going. I’m actually hoping that this amazingly low humidity perfect weather lets up by sometime next week otherwise it is going to feel really difficult to turn the keys to my apartment over to the Super. I hope that each of you get the chance to experience the diversity, energy and excitement that is New York City at least once during your life!!
Moving here was not as big of an adjustment as you might think. My real transition happened when I moved to Philly four years ago. THAT was a real transition getting used to city life. Moving to NYC was a bit overwhelming at first because it was so much bigger but in many ways NYC is an easier place to live than Philly. Well, more convenient anyway. Public transportation, restaurants and conveniences are much closer and easier to get to. I mean seriously within a three block radius of my house there are probably seven laundry places, three frozen yogurt places, five drug stores, four banks, two movie theatres, two bookstores, three Starbucks, three liquor stores, four Chinese massage places, a post office, a McDonalds, a fantastic hardware store and at least one restaurant for every ethnic food known to mankind. If I go five to six blocks I get to a Goodwill, two great parks (including Central Park), a river walk, the NYC library, the Met and one of the most convenient subway lines in the city. How fantastic is that? To top it all off I have a fabulous one bedroom apartment that was recently renovated, has lots of closet space (by NYC standards), two big windows with trees and sun outside (remember it’s about the little things in the city) and it’s only on the third floor so I only have to climb two flights of stairs. Woo hoo!
Sadly, my job did not leave me a lot of time to really explore the city properly. The fact that I moved here in the dead of winter and this spring was one of the rainiest on record didn’t help matters. Before you boo-hoo for me I have gotten to explore some things. I’ve at least passed through most major neighborhoods in the city – I even walked from 90th street all the way down to Battery Park - that’s about ¾ the length of Manhattan (thanks Susan!!), I’ve trekked to Queens and Brooklyn, gone to two plays and a musical and taken a boot camp class held on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Despite this small dent I’ve made in exploring the city I have decided to make it a priority to do something in the city every day for the next two weeks until my move. On my list: Coney Island/Brighton Beach, Roosevelt Island, more of Central Park, The Museum of the City of NY, the Bronx Zoo, The NY Transit Museum, the Chelsea Highline Park, Staten Island Ferry, yoga in Bryant Park, Broadway in Bryant Park, and two more musicals. I also have a few iconic restaurants on the list and any ethnic food I can’t easily get other places (Moroccan, Vietnamese, Ukrainian food anyone?). The best part? I can do all this and sleep in my own bed at night. It may sound weird but it kinda reminds me of being on the ship. I got to explore some amazingly iconic cities around the world while sleeping in my own bed all the while – who could ask for anything more?
So what has been my favorite part of NYC so far? The diversity and converging of many cultures all in one place has definitely been one of the most interesting and exciting parts of the city. It is no exaggeration to say that at least 65% of the time when I’m walking down the street I do not hear English being spoken. Not too unique, right? What is unique is that it is not just one or two languages that I hear being spoken but multitudes. Turkish, Mandarin, Ukrainian, Spanish, French, Vietnamese, German, Japanese, Portuguese, Greek…and I could go on and on. It’s not uncommon that I hear three to four different languages being spoken just during my walk to the subway. Where else in the world does that happen on a regular basis in almost every neighborhood?
Well if I’m going to get through my NYC list before the end of next week I better stop typing and get going. I’m actually hoping that this amazingly low humidity perfect weather lets up by sometime next week otherwise it is going to feel really difficult to turn the keys to my apartment over to the Super. I hope that each of you get the chance to experience the diversity, energy and excitement that is New York City at least once during your life!!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Tough Decisions
I need to apologize to my once faithful readers for my neglect and broken promises. For many months I haven’t been in the right mental space for writing. Why is that? There are many reasons but the main reason is because I’ve been going through a bit of a struggle the last few months. It turns out that the job in NYC was a horribly bad fit for me. Actually, the job itself wasn’t a bad fit but the organization and its current state was a horribly bad fit for me.
In any job I’ve ever held, no matter how challenging or frustrating, I’ve always felt like I was growing in some way and adding value to the organization. I did not experience either one in this job. I felt like I was constantly spinning my wheels, not doing my best work and generally operating super far from my highest and my best. I did not like who I was there. Working for this organization mentally, emotionally and physically drained me down to zero, suffocated my soul, decimated my confidence and crushed my spirit. All this didn’t allow me any physical or mental energy to enjoy this tremendous city I live in, nor did it allow me to have much of a life outside of work. I enjoy working hard and putting in the time when I feel like I am truly contributing and adding value but when I don’t then what’s the point?
Well if you haven’t guessed from all the past tense talk above I recently resigned my position. It was a very tough decision but one that I feel very good about now. Ironically, with all of my lamenting about not contributing or adding value, when people started finding out I was leaving an overwhelming number shared with me that I had had a tremendous impact on them and the place even in my short time there. Luckily I made this decision for all the right reasons so this feedback did not make me waiver in my decision – I knew that the damage being done to me was more of a sacrifice than I was willing to make to “stick it out”. The awareness of what the job was doing to me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is also what led me to decide to resign without another job lined up.
Crazy, but true. So what’s next for me? At the end of July I am packing up and moving back to NJ. I’m actually kind of sad to be leaving NYC so soon but realistically I don’t think NYC is where I’m meant to end up permanently and if I stayed up here I’d be penniless within two months without a job. So it’s back to South Jersey for me. I’m actually feeling quite optimistic and hopeful for the future (despite this depressing economy) and feel like I have a TOTALLY different perspective on job searching and the search for what I’m meant to do next than I did when I came home from the ship last year.
I don’t regret my decision to take this job or move to NYC. Unfortunately I was working for this organization during an exceptionally tumultuous time and I do believe it is on the path to better days. Sadly my head and heart were just not it in to stick it out through the badness. It just wasn’t worth the risk of it permanently damaging me, and I’m also not sure that even on the other side there would be enough to sustain and fulfill me.
I am thankful and appreciative of this experience because it’s given me clarity about what I need and want in life. It has also given me a total perspective shift about this next period of exploration and job searching. Like I said I am feeling hopeful, optimistic and focused.
Stay tuned for future posts with updates on my move and progress on my vision quest for what’s next. I feel my creative and mental energy coming back!
In any job I’ve ever held, no matter how challenging or frustrating, I’ve always felt like I was growing in some way and adding value to the organization. I did not experience either one in this job. I felt like I was constantly spinning my wheels, not doing my best work and generally operating super far from my highest and my best. I did not like who I was there. Working for this organization mentally, emotionally and physically drained me down to zero, suffocated my soul, decimated my confidence and crushed my spirit. All this didn’t allow me any physical or mental energy to enjoy this tremendous city I live in, nor did it allow me to have much of a life outside of work. I enjoy working hard and putting in the time when I feel like I am truly contributing and adding value but when I don’t then what’s the point?
Well if you haven’t guessed from all the past tense talk above I recently resigned my position. It was a very tough decision but one that I feel very good about now. Ironically, with all of my lamenting about not contributing or adding value, when people started finding out I was leaving an overwhelming number shared with me that I had had a tremendous impact on them and the place even in my short time there. Luckily I made this decision for all the right reasons so this feedback did not make me waiver in my decision – I knew that the damage being done to me was more of a sacrifice than I was willing to make to “stick it out”. The awareness of what the job was doing to me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is also what led me to decide to resign without another job lined up.
Crazy, but true. So what’s next for me? At the end of July I am packing up and moving back to NJ. I’m actually kind of sad to be leaving NYC so soon but realistically I don’t think NYC is where I’m meant to end up permanently and if I stayed up here I’d be penniless within two months without a job. So it’s back to South Jersey for me. I’m actually feeling quite optimistic and hopeful for the future (despite this depressing economy) and feel like I have a TOTALLY different perspective on job searching and the search for what I’m meant to do next than I did when I came home from the ship last year.
I don’t regret my decision to take this job or move to NYC. Unfortunately I was working for this organization during an exceptionally tumultuous time and I do believe it is on the path to better days. Sadly my head and heart were just not it in to stick it out through the badness. It just wasn’t worth the risk of it permanently damaging me, and I’m also not sure that even on the other side there would be enough to sustain and fulfill me.
I am thankful and appreciative of this experience because it’s given me clarity about what I need and want in life. It has also given me a total perspective shift about this next period of exploration and job searching. Like I said I am feeling hopeful, optimistic and focused.
Stay tuned for future posts with updates on my move and progress on my vision quest for what’s next. I feel my creative and mental energy coming back!
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