In the Wilderness

This summer I got to go on the annual Big Kids trek to Canada. When I was in college I took part in a wilderness orientation trip that took us canoeing in Algonquin Provincial Park in Canada for two weeks before school started. It was an amazing trip and I worked as a Peer Counselor for the program during all four of my college years. When some of my PC peeps graduated they couldn’t imagine not going up to the park every summer so they started what has come to be known as the Big Kids trip. So every year, since about 1995, there has been a group that makes an annual pilgrimage up to the park to paddle for a week. There is a core group of us who tend to cycle in and out over the years but the trip is open to anyone. Over the years it has grown to include friends, spouses, other former students (there is even talk of creating a new version of the trip for all the folks with kids). Some years there are as few as 5 of us and other years as many as 20+. I think it’s an awesome and amazing legacy and I’m proud to be a part of it.

Anyway it had been about four years since I last paddled so it was great to get up to the park and catch up with friends. Going up to the park has always been a reflective place for many of us – a place that allows us to get totally away from the distractions of the real world and focus on what is important in life. A time to reflect on where we stand in life and what we want out of life. Boy did I need that this summer! Unfortunately no lightning bolt of enlightenment hit me while we were paddling but I did start thinking about why we did this trip as part of orientation for college.

At the end of each trip with the university, Dave – the director of the program, would get all of the trail crews together around the campfire at the outfitters and begin to weave a connection between the highs and lows of the trail experience with the challenges and triumphs that awaited the new students in college. The tough portages, the sunny paddles, the friends made, the flooded tent, the help from others that got you through, the laughter, the tears, the aches and pains, etc – all of it is an analogy for life. It was a phenomenal metaphor for thinking about life – and not just college life. Dave would talk about remembering this trip when hitting the rough patches. Remember that long portage when you were wet, tired, muddy, exhausted, your spirit felt broken and didn’t think you could take another step? But you did do it. You did make it and whatever tough time you’re going through – you’ll get through it too. I’ve come back to that lesson more than once throughout my life.

Well this summer I started thinking about that metaphor and where I am in the journey. Even though I’m going through this very uncertain transition period I’m certainly not on that sweaty, exhausting, spirit-breaking portage. But I’m also far from that relaxing paddle or the portage when you get in the zone and cruise. So where am I? It only took me a minute to decide. I’m sitting in the middle of a sunny lake looking at the map and trying to figure out how the hell to find the next portage. That sums up my position in life at the moment perfectly.

Being on a lake trying to make sense of the map so you can figure out which direction to head to find the next portage can be fun, challenging, confusing and frustrating all at the same time. It can try your patience, be totally discouraging, and feel scary at moments (ahhh….I’m totally lost). It can also be super rewarding when you spot the sign or the landmarks and the map suddenly “click” and become crystal clear.

There are fellow paddlers who will stress you out, make you feel stupid, and confuse you even further or push you to pick a direction before you are sure. There are also fellow paddlers who will talk it through with you, sit patiently while you study the map, think of a new alternative (let’s pull off for lunch and then move on), yell out landmarks as they spot them and those that will offer an insight or new perspective that helps things click for you on the map.

Sometimes you get it wrong – that island you thought was an island is not an island…the turn in the lake is actually a cove and not your way out…the sign you spotted is actually a bunch of leaves. Sometimes the wind picks up or the threat of rain presses you to think quickly and make a decision. When you do figure things out and spot the sign or see the next major landmark you were expecting it can be exhilarating and your energy and momentum soar.

All of that is my life right now. I’m getting ready to transition to my next “portage” and the exact location of that portage is not clear to me quite yet. I’m feeling the same feelings, the same energy boosts and road blocks, the same supports and hindrances as being in the middle of that lake.

This is a very comforting metaphor to me right now. The wind might pick up and press me to choose a course or I might just have to pull over to eat lunch and clear my head or I may just need the help of a friend or colleague to help me see a new opportunity or a new perspective on the landmarks surrounding me --- whatever happens I know that I will get through it successfully. Eventually I will find my course that takes me to the next portage…the “right” portage…the one that will take me where I’m supposed to go next. I just need to take a deep breath, keep studying the map and remembering to use the resources all around me. I haven’t gotten permanently lost on a lake yet and ….