Some of you know my plans now that I’m back in NJ and some of you do not so I thought I would share. Be prepared –this is a long post.
Here’s the big plan: I have no plan to job search for at least a few months. What??!! Am I crazy? Probably your first response. Understandable, because at first glance it does sound a bit reckless and unwise. I left a job, don’t currently have a job (or any income) and I need a job – so why don’t I look for a job???
Well the short answer is – getting a job has never been my biggest obstacle. Getting a job that is a good fit for me….ahhh, that is the real challenge and something I have struggled with forever. I decided I need to delay the job search and instead use this opportunity to do some of the work and goal setting that I have needed to do for years but have avoided, ignored or rationalized away for far too long. I had career and life goals when I got out of grad school – I had direction and drive. What I didn’t expect along the way? To reach all of those goals by the time I was 30! Oh, I know, tough place to be, right? I know I am spectacularly lucky to have done the things I’ve done and had the experiences I’ve had. Problem is – I never replaced the goals I reached with new ones. For the last five years or so I’ve sort of just been bouncing along allowing my decisions to be left largely in the hands of fate. Sailing without a rudder so to speak.
I knew I enjoyed the training and teaching aspects of my past jobs sooo maybe I’ll look for a job in training. Bam! – I get a great training job in Philly! Hmmm…hospitality is probably not the best fit for me, I really enjoy int’l education and deep down I feel like I’m not done with the living-on-a-ship thing. Ka-pow!! --miraculously a fantastic job comes up that allows me to do that!! Ok, that job was short-term and living on a ship is not a long term, sustainable situation sooo what’s next?? Hmmm…don’t know, let me just see what comes up. SCREEECHH – careening head on into a big brick wall and I didn’t even see it!! No real plan? No goals, no direction – just “I’ll see what comes up”?? No wonder I am where I am today!! Luckily I got the job in NY that turned out to be a spectacularly bad fit for me. I needed that experience to help get me into the right perspective and right frame of mind to be ready and able to go on this career and life quest.
So that brings me back to today. What is my plan for the future? First and foremost I need to work on goals. I need to research and explore possible directions so that I can develop solid goals that will help drive me and my decisions. But there is much more to it than that.
Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the power and importance of finding the right fit in a job and career. Ever since I was a career counselor I’ve talked about the importance of finding the right fit in a job. It’s not just about getting a job but about finding a job, an organization, a boss that is a good fit for your interests, skills, values, etc. I always felt that my career path was progressing nicely because each job I took was a better and better fit for me. BUT….ah there’s that pesky word…but there was always some aspect of the job or the place that nagged at me and continually whispered, “This is not exactly the right fit”.
Finding the right “fit” in a career or job is very similar to shopping for the right outfit. Ever try something on and most of it looks great, maybe even spectacular, but if there is one small part that doesn’t fit – a bunch here, a gap there, a pinch at the waist, an awkward drape there – it messes up the whole thing? Sometimes the rest of the outfit looks so good that you buy it anyway foolishly thinking that that small thing won’t bother you too much – and you’re the only one who really notices so who cares? But eventually you realize you aren’t wearing the outfit much, if at all, because that small thing turns out to be a big thing that jades your whole attitude toward the outfit and how you feel in it. Well – that’s exactly how most of the jobs in my career have felt to me. Some jobs have been a poor fit for my talents, others a bad fit for my personality, still others have clashed with my interests or my values. Nothing enormous and glaring – mostly very small things that didn’t fit (some were things only I noticed) that eventually wore me down, led me to lose energy and motivation and left me seeking my way out.
Once I recognized this as a pattern and not just the progression of a normal career is when I decided I needed to do something very different this time around. I decided that I need to take some serious time to read, reflect, research and soul search before jumping into another job. I need to be more intentional and thoughtful about the direction I am headed.
When I’m honest with myself I realize that there have been three underlining drivers behind all of the decisions I have made. One – I have made decisions based on what others think – is this job good enough? Prestigious enough? Worthy of someone of my intellect and education level? Two – I have made decisions based on what was most practical. What job would be in the place that would be the most practical or easiest to live (or sometimes which job is in the least inconvenient place)? What job has the most pros and the least amount of cons? Three - I have made decisions by only looking at the options before me. Based on my skills and experience – what jobs would relate and be options for me? If my personality, passions, talents and values are a fit too that would fantastic but probably not possible. I’ll look at my options and pick the one that fits for most number of aspects since finding a truly ideal, right fit is probably not possible.
Looking at options doesn’t sound too detrimental but I’m coming to realize just how limiting that can be. It’s like shopping in the same clothes stores time and time again even if you know that their clothes typically don’t fit exactly right for you. But it’s what you know so you keep going back.
Instead of looking at just options I’ve starting exploring and thinking about what the possibilities are in my life and career. What are the possibilities versus just what are my options? I like the word possibility becomes it leaves all doors open but is still very much grounded in reality.
It may just be a simple attitude shift but it’s a very powerful shift. It makes me think of the show “What Not to Wear” on TLC. The show helps women address their shopping fears, confront their body image issues, address old habits and flawed thinking and learn skills for finding clothes that are the right fit for them. I love the show because there’s a lot more too it then just helping someone purchase a more fashionable wardrobe. Most of the show is about helping women shift their attitudes about shopping and themselves. Shopping doesn’t have to be a dreadful chore, a hopeless quest, or a selfish activity. It is possible to find beautiful, fashionable clothes for any body type that fit, feel good and look spectacular.
At some point in every episode the woman being help will say something like, “I never would have considered trying this on but I absolutely love it,” or “I never thought something like this would look good on me,” or “I didn’t know there were stores with clothes like these.” They start to look at and be open to the possibilities rather than just past options.
Once their attitude changes they then commit to and are energized by the process. They are willing to try lots of different things on or go to many different stores in search of the perfect top or accessory for the fabulous skirt they found. The more they shop and try things on the more they learn about what looks good on them and can more easily recognize what will or will not be a good fit for them. Shopping then becomes an easier, more efficient, fun, positive adventure full of surprises and successes. Whoa – powerful stuff.
I’m lucky – I’ve never really had a bad attitude about clothes shopping. I do see it as an adventure and a fun challenge. Sometimes I get down about it or frustrated if I can’t find what I’m looking for (who doesn’t) but overall I have a positive attitude and outlook because I know that is possible to find that awesome fit.
Looking for jobs has been a different story. I’ll admit I’ve tended to see job searching as a dreaded chore rather than a joyous process of discovery and possibility. That attitude right there has put me at risk of running back to the same stores, trying on something quickly and buying it even if it isn’t an outstanding fit. Hmmm…doesn’t really increase my chances of finding the ideal fit does it? So a big part of my “career work” right now is focused on unearthing and addressing some of my past hang ups and self defeating attitudes so that I can better set myself up for success and create a positive cycle of change rather than simply repeating old patterns. Whoa – feels big…possible, but big.
I really like this analogy to clothes shopping for another reason. Many people look at me and say, “Well sure you enjoy shopping because you are thin.” And it is true that being slim offers me a lot more options of places to shop and styles to wear, however, let me say it loud and clear – we all have body image issues, and challenges with finding clothes that fit properly – no matter our size or weight. Some of us may have more options than others but the amount of challenge in finding the right fit is the same for all of us. Number of options do not equal number of possibilities. I think it sometimes feels like a bigger challenge and some people are less successful in shopping simply because of their attitude going into it. If our attitudes all started off in the same positive place then we would all have equal challenge in finding the perfect fit. So what are my challenges? Well I have super broad shoulders for my body frame, my waist and ribs are outrageously wide in proportion to the rest of my body (so everything is too tight in the waist) and I have a super short body on top of having ridiculously long monkey arms. My sister can attest to the fact that finding the right fit for me can sometimes be a SUPER big challenge. Who knew, right?
Same goes for careers. Many people look at me and are quick to say, “but you have so many skills and strong experience – it should be easy for you to find the right fit.” Yes, I am lucky – my skills, experience and education do probably afford me many more options than some other people however finding the right fit is still the same challenge for me as it is for everyone else.
So right now I feel like I am putting myself through my own Career version of “What Not to Wear”. Reframing my approach and attitude to the process so that once I’m full swing into the job search I will hopefully be more efficient, knowledgeable, skilled and successful in finding the truly right fit for me. I’m going to stop trying to rush the process just to get it over with and instead engage in the process fully. Stop window shopping and go try a lot of different things on – research possibilities, talk to people, volunteer at different places, get part time jobs in totally different fields, etc.
This time around I’m also seeking the help I need along the way. Just like in “What Not to Wear” – the women need the honest feedback, advice and help of Stacy and Clinton to break old habits, see new possibilities, learn new skills and bolster their confidence along the way. We all occasionally need friends to be honest and tell us if we are headed down the wrong track of what we think looks good or bolster us up if we get discouraged by only seeing limited options. Heck if I hadn’t had some good people in my life when I was a 13 and 14 year old gangly, awkward, unconfident mess to help me see how to widen my possibilities of finding clothes that fit, felt good and looked great who knows what kind of fashion disaster I would be now!
Career and job searching is the same. How did I ever think I could do it without help? I’ve enlisted a couple friends to be my “career sounding boards and coaches” –helping me see possibilities, connections and insights and calling me out on the negative crap that can block my way to success.
So am I looking for the one right career for me? No that would be silly because it doesn’t exist. If there was only one perfect job than I’d have as much hope of finding it as I would of winning the lottery. Talk about depressing and de-motivating…ugh. It would be like saying there is only one perfect outfit for everyone. I think there are many possible “right fits”. The perfect outfit depends on what occasion you need it for, what styles you like and what feels good on you and what makes you feel good about yourself. That’s why I have to become even more solid about what’s important to me, who I am and what I want. I need to not only look at my skills and experience but I need to advocate for the needs of my passions, personality, values and talents. All are equally important in finding the right fit.
I also need to start learning loads more about different career fields and possibilities. I can’t just window shop and expect to find the right fit without trying it on. Plus how many of the possible options are actually put in the window? Few, very few. Even if there are many possible “perfect fits” out there, unless I take the time to go in, touch, feel, try on, move around in and test out the many possibilities chances are slim that I’ll ever find even one.
So here is what’s different this time around and why I am not job searching at the moment:
Goals from my last period of transition (aka being between jobs):
-- Do all the things I normally can’t do when I have a real job (go to the gym, visit friends and family, etc.) –CHECK
-- Use only window shopping (aka internet job postings) to find my next job -- CHECK
-- Find a job that is the right fit – uhh…no check there
Goals for this period of transition:
- Commit to the process and the possibility
- Develop new goals in all areas of my life
- Don’t limit myself to only looking at the options I know exist
- Don’t settle
- Reflect on my passions, personality, values and talents
- Read and research voraciously every career field or job I’ve ever thought about or anyone has ever suggested to me
- Push the exploration process beyond just reading and researching - talk to people, volunteer, ask questions, etc.
- Be open to feedback, rejection and detours
- Take the risk of sharing with others and reaching out to make connections
- Seek out the help and support I need
- Enjoy the journey of discovery and keep a positive, optimistic attitude
- Be patient with myself and the process
- END GOAL – find the right fit by making a well informed decision free of external pressures, romantic ideas, and conditioned thinking about what is or is not possible.
Tall order, very tall order…but I’ll say it one more time – definitely possible.
Thank you in advance for all of your love, support, guidance and encouragement as I wade into this world of uncertainty and vulnerability in order to embark on this scary, yet exciting adventure.
Phew, sorry to get so philosophical, rambly and ridiculously lengthy but I hope the shopping metaphor was fun!
